Nice Job, Harry!
Nice work, editing there, Sweeney To-- er, Forby. Sorry, all that red on the page got me confused!
I only disagree with one piece of advice you gave him. And it's a tiny, piece, at that.
I actually disagree (slightly) with both of you.Coming Dad. (No need for him to name his father. It's already been done when he called him “son”. This makes “dad” redundant.)
I think renaming Dad is fine, as long as he doesn't say "dad", but "Father" instead. It works in this fantasy/medieval setting.
In fact, he used "Father" later on, and you were fine with it, just fixing his lack of capitalization.
Oh, and the links to the pages lead to "This image has been moved or deleted" tags.