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Thread: TPG: Week 18- Jeff Beahn

  1. StevenForbes Guest

    TPG: Week 18- Jeff Beahn

    Hello, everyone. Welcome back to The Proving Grounds.

    This week brings us Jeff Beahn, who's written an Anna Mercury script. Let' see how he does!


    Page 1 (seven panels)

    Panel 1. Establishing wide shot with enough room for an inset panel. Itís a cloudy afternoon on a downtown street with a row of older storefronts. Anna, wearing a trench coat and high boots, is entering a shop with signs revealing itís a retro music shop featuring vinyl records and CDís; basically music from the 20th century.

    Panel 2. An inset panel to the left or right side of the first panel, whichever works best, with the following song lyrics centered against a gray background.

    Iíve seen you in the mirror
    when the story began
    and I fell in love with you
    I love your mortal sin.
    No Feelings
    Sex Pistols

    Panel 3. Interior of store, a close medium shot from the front. Anna is browsing through a box of vinyl. She has a serene look.

    ANNA: (Thought)
    oooohhÖX-Ray Spex!

    Panel 4. Same angle shot, but pulled back so we can see a store clerk behind the counter behind Anna. Heís perhaps mid-thirties, scruffy, t-shirt; looking on as Anna pulls out a record.

    CLERK:
    Hey, you want me to put that on the vinyl player?

    ANNA:
    Umm, sure.

    Panel 5. Medium shot of Anna looking perturbed as the music playing in background is interrupted by her phone. (Whereís the phone? Is it in her hands? A purse? In her large intestines? [Yes, that is a different way of saying Ďup her ass.í] If you show it, I wonít have to beat you over the head about it.)

    SFX: (Music)
    Thrash me, crash me, beat me till I fall, oh bondageÖ

    SFX: (Phone)
    rriiingg!

    ANNA: (Loud)
    Bollocks!

    Panel 6: Interior of store, long shot of clerk looking towards the entrance door as Anna hurriedly exits. (Her phone rings and she leaves? We donít even see the phone. Itís mentioned, but itís not seen. She doesn't even look at it. Granted, Iíve never read an issue of AM, but if sheís got a phone of some sort, even from the future, Iíd expect to see it, or some sort of sound effect saying where itís coming from [if it were inside her head or something like that].)

    CLERK:
    Hey! You gonna buy--

    Panel 7: Close up of clerkís dejected face as he now faces an empty door. (If heís not important, why are you ending a page on him, especially during a page-turn?)

    CLERK: (Whisper)
    --bollocks!

    (Wow. Seven panels to be boring? Really? Whatís on this first page to make anyone want to turn tp the second, instead of just putting it back on the shelf? Not a thing. Letís see if youíre able to pull it out in the next few pages. Weíll see about the dialogue. The only thing you may want to watch is the use of song lyrics and stuff like that. Your own lyrics are fine, but another artistsí lyrics are protected under copyright. The company [Avatar, in this case] may need to get permission to reprint the lyrics. Something to watch for and keep in mind as you continue to write.)


    (There was a ton of space at the bottom of the page. Make sure you delete that.)


    Page 2 (6 panels)

    Panel 1. Interior of Collierís office. Anna is walking towards Collier and Stewart, whom are standing in the center of the office. (The panel description doesnít really match the dialogue. This really isnít an introduction, even though you think it is. If sheís just walking in, that needs to be addressed in Collierís dialogue.)

    COLLIER:
    Mercury, this is Stewart. Heís our leading cyber-neurobiologist.

    ANNA:
    Pleasure, even on what was a perfect Sunday afternoon.

    Panel 2: Over the shoulder shot behind Collier looking at Anna, who has slumped down in a large chair set in front of Collierís desk, looking down at a cup of tea sheís sipping. (This is just a bit too compressed. Sheís walking in, now sheís slumped in a chair and sipping tea. Thereís nothing in between these two actions? A little clumsy.)

    COLLIER:
    Enough pleasantries, we have a situation on New Ataraxia thatís going bad fast. (That should be a period, not a comma. Separate the two complete thoughts, donít butt them together as youíve done here. Yes, I see a lot of this.)

    ANNA:
    uummmÖsurprising.

    Panel 3: Long shot of Anna, sitting up in chair, looking up at Collier, who is now next to the edge of the wall monitor behind his desk. Itís still not clear what is onscreen. (I hope the exposition weíre about to go through is at least engaging.)

    COLLIER:
    At five oíclock this morning, we received UAV images of a massive blackout. Military reaction was disorganized, indicating a loss in communication.

    ANNA:
    So if Iím here, itís more than a blackout, right?

    Panel 4: Over the shoulder shot behind Anna, now standing in front of Collierís desk. Next to Collier, the screen reveals in-ground missile silos with circular doors opened. Smoke is rising from underground, with the tips of missiles somewhat visible.

    COLLIER:
    Of course. Forty minutes ago we received these images of New Ataraxiaís
    fleet of magnetic-plasma warheads.

    ANNA:
    But with no power, whoís prepping those silos for launch?

    Panel 5: Medium shot with Anna standing right next to Collier, still looking at the screen. Collier is gesturing towards Stewart, who is now standing behind him.

    COLLIER:
    Thatís why Professor Stewartís here. We think something may be wrong with NAAN.

    ANNA:
    NAAN?

    COLLIER:
    New Ataraxiaís Artificial-Intelligence Network. Itís the War Departmentís AI mainframe.

    Panel 6: Close medium shot of Anna, looking rather incredulous. (See this? This, just like the last one, is an extremely weak place to turn the page. Thereís nothing here whatsoever to make anyone want to know whatís going on. Even her line of dialogue is somewhat trite.)

    ANNA:
    So why donít they just destroy it? Itís a machine for Christ sakes!
    (Page two, six panels, and Iím still bored.)

    (Again, watch the space at the end of the page. And just to be clear, YES, it happens at the end of every page.)


    Page 3 (6 panels)

    Panel 1: Large, top of page panel depicting ground fighting in the street outside New Ataraxiaís War Department building. Graphic shots of AI troops surrounded and fighting in a confused manner, being peppered by plasma bursts from AI ground and air troops. (Whatís the time of day?)

    COLLIER: (Caption)
    NAANís surrounded herself with all of New Ataraxiaís AI troops. Theyíre small in number, but their fighting is surprisingly well-coordinated, almost intuitive.

    Panel 2: Medium shot of Anna standing and facing Stewart. (Okay, you have what looks like an establishing shot at the top of the page, and then youíre back in the office in the second paragraph. Not good. I thought we were about to see some action, but instead, itís just more people talking at one another. Itís page three, Iím still bored, and there doesnít seem to be any letup. And why is she facing Stewart and not Collier? To make him more than wallpaper?)

    ANNA:
    Holy shit, AI troops massacring human forces? (Does AM curse in her comics? I donít know. If not, then you need to rephrase this.)

    STEWART:
    Ms. Mercury, you yourself discovered New Ataraxiaís existence dates back only 200 years, but look where they are technologically. Their gains in AI may be surprising, but plausible. (I wish I could say this bit of exposition was plausible.)

    Panel 3: Two shot with Anna, favoring Stewart.

    ANNA: But a machine is mirroring a human brain at this level?

    STEWART:
    Feasibly. Consider the number of neurons firing necessary to shape a single, self-reflective thought. Weíre talking an exponential number of exponents to fathom the brainís inner workings. (28 words here. 28 boring words. Still waiting for something even remotely exciting to happen.)

    Panel 4: Medium shot of Stewart only.

    STEWART:
    Well, NAANís artificial neurons are modeled after our own biological neurons. Basically, there is a layer of input, resulting in a layer of output--

    Panel 5: Bust shot of Stewart, fervently explaining NAANís hardware.

    STEWART:
    --but the magic is found in the infinite firings within the hidden layers of a neural network! (No one cares about this. Not in this context. Itís talking heads, itís boring, and this is already back on the shelf. Youíve effectively killed all interest in the story for any potential reader. Congratulations!)

    Panel 6: Pull back for a longer shot of Anna, Stewart, and Collier standing in a circle. Anna has somewhat of a crooked smile. (Again another extremely weak page-turn.)

    STEWART: (Linked)
    And just think, the War Departmentís responsible for everything inputted to NAAN, and subsequentlyó

    STEWART:
    --her output mirrors whatever reality her inner layers conceive.

    ANNA:
    A rather unpleasant reality, Iím sure. When do I launch?

    COLLIER:
    Now. (Hopefully, weíll now get into some action. Hopefully.)


    Page 4 (7 Panels)

    Panel 1: Cut to Anna, crouched on one knee next to a building on a city street on New Ataraxia. The street is uninhabited and she is contacting launch pad. The only source of light for this page is whatever moonlight comes through a thick layer of clouds in the dusk. (Thank you for giving a time of day.)

    ANNA:
    Mercury, Launch pad, Iím in the field and itís way too quiet. (It may be an AM thing, but I donít get this.)

    LAUNCHPAD: (Off Panel)
    Launch pad, Mercury, copy that. Anchor charge shows violet seven, exceptionally good launch. Youíre good for run. (or this. By the way, when I say that it may be an AM thing, thatís me giving you the benefit of the doubt.)

    Panel 2: Long shot of Anna, running alongside buildings down the street.

    ANNA: (Thought)
    ****ing creepy. Iíve been on New Ataraxia two minutes and havenít been shot at once. (What does this thought do to push the story forward? Damned clunky exposition? Sure. All day long. But if you were to take it out of the story, would it hurt the integrity of it? Not one iota.)

    Panel 3: Anna is standing with her back to the wall of a nondescript building. She is looking towards the door with her weapon drawn. (Looking towards the door? What door? The magically delicious door? Where is that door? Is it in the air? In her hair? Everywhere?)

    ANNA:
    Syd, itís Mercury. Let me in.

    SYD: (Off Panel)
    Anna, thereís no time. Iím coming out.

    Panel 4: Medium shot of Syd in the open doorway, looking unnerved. Heís occupied with prepping his weapon. (What does an unnerved person look like? Why is he prepping his weapon? Why is the doorway now open? I gathered it was closed before. Details, Jeff.)

    SYD:
    Communication is out, but I know Sheolian policy for projected conflicts with New Ataraxia is a first strike, hoping to bring their own casualties from 90% to 60%-- (Who is he talking to, and why is any of this important?)

    Panel 5: Long shot of Anna and Syd running in the shadows of buildings.

    SYD:
    --but the best part is we may be blown to hell twice over. NAANís not only breaking down the launch code, but sheís altering the birdsí launch patterns to turn 180% back on New Ataraxia. (one hundred and eighty percent? Iíll chalk that up to a mental lapse on your part, even when there are a couple of different ways you could have said or implied ďdegreesĒ, because "twice over" is two hundred percent. Details.)

    Panel 6: Anna and Syd have stopped outside the door of a darkened technology building, standing face to face.

    ANNA:
    If this NAAN is so ****ing smart, why is she about to fire a shitload of warheads on herself? (Finally, a smart question.)

    SYD:
    Thatís why Iíve bought you here to see NAANís cyber-psychoanalyst.

    Panel 7: Close two shot favoring Anna.

    ANNA:
    Cyber-psychoanalyst?

    SYD:
    Yeah, NAANís shrink. (And a semi-Ellisian answer/concept. This makes the first time you have a semi-decent page turn. Too bad itís already P4 and the book has made it back to the shelf.)


    Page 5: (8 panels)

    Panel 1: Medium long shot angled behind Anna. Weíre in the interior of a computer lab lit by the glow of candles and several laptops. Brodsky is standing and has turned from a laptop he was working on. There is a mirror on the wall in which we can barely see a hazy image of Anna.

    BRODSKY:
    Ms. Mercury, I always wondered if you were imaginary, and here you are! (Get rid of the first comma, and replace it with an exclamation point. I have NO idea why seemingly everyone likes to butt their dialogue up against each other. Is dialogue so difficult? Why replace the comma with a period? Because itíll show shock, but as the second sentence follows it, it will color that shock to a pleasant surprise on the part of Brodsky.)

    ANNA:
    Pleasure, Dr. Brodsky. Can you clarify whatís making NAAN bonkers?

    BRODSKY:
    Certainly. Do you have an understanding of neural networks? (NO! NONONONONO! More exposition!?! Are you kidding me?!)

    Panel 2: Close medium shot of Anna and Brodsky.

    ANNA:
    Yeah, had that science lesson this morning.

    BRODSKY:
    Well, NAAN is the peak of cyber-evolutionÖseventh stage of New Ataraxiaís AI program. Sheís connected to six previously built mainframes elsewhere in the city.

    Panel 3: Close shot of Brodsky, gesturing as he speaks. He increasingly displays a kind of crazed excitement discussing the technology that makes NAAN tick. (Crazed, like the readers who are going through this book praying that theyíll eventually get to the end, right? Youíre making them either fall catatonic with boredom, or theyíre literally running out of the bookstore, dropping this where it is, in order to go jump out of an airplane or swim the English Channel or SOMEthing to make them feel alive. Youíre boring them to death, Jeff.)

    BRODSKY:
    Anything inputted to NAAN fires through countless loops of analysis within these six networks before returning to her. The logic of her output exceeded all expectations, but the War Department wanted more-- (If you think I read this, youíre wrong.)

    ANNA: (Off Panel)
    --because war isnít always logical?

    Panel 4: Medium two shot favoring Brodsky, who is looking down instead of at Anna.

    BRODSKY: (Linked)
    Exactly. War requires certain strategies, but circumstances randomly shift. NAAN couldnít improvise--

    BRODSKY: (Linked)
    --and she didnít exhibit a true sense of hatred for the enemy.

    ANNA:
    Since I saw AI troops massacring humans, it seems you succeeded.

    .Panel 5: Close shot of Brodsky looking towards where Anna would be.

    ANNA: (Off Panel)
    How did you do it? (Itís page five, panel five, and itís been nothing but talking heads. Uninteresting talking heads. No one cares how it was done. No, really.)

    BRODSKY:
    I rebooted her. She was reborn with all her wiring and neural networks in place, just like you and I are. A clean slate.

    Panel 6: Over the shoulder shot behind Brodsky with Anna is standing before him.

    BRODSKY:
    But I had devised an eye, connected to NAANís visual processor that I modeled after a human brainís visual cortex.

    ANNA:
    So she can see?

    Panel 7: Over the shoulder shot behind Anna

    BRODSKY:
    Not just see, but interpret. NANN even began to read facial expressions, gestures, unspoken signs. Then she asked to see herself.

    ANNA:
    And?

    Panel 8: Reverse angle shot behind Brodsky. (Period. And finally, another decent page turn.)

    BRODSKY:
    I held a mirror before her.

    ANNA:
    What did she say?

    And really, Iím going to stop right there. Itís only twelve pages, I know, but youíve totally killed any impetus whatsoever that makes me want to keep reading. Honestly, I feel like I escaped, instead of just stopped reading.

    Okay, letís see what weíve got.

    Your panel descriptions are solid, for the most part. A little jerky here and there, but nothing that canít be smoothed out. Thatís a pretty decent start. Panel descriptions are something of a knack to do well. This is a good start.

    Your page turns started off extremely weak. Part of that is the storyís fault (which makes it your fault). From P1, you thought you started late in the story, but you didnít. You might as well have started with the dawn of man, because you couldnít have started much earlier than that if you tried. Because you couldnít think of a way to make all of that unnecessary exposition interesting, your page turns suffered for it in the beginning. They got better near the middle, but no oneís going to get that far.

    Not every page turn is going to be a gem. I know this. But at the same token, your job is to make every page turn the best it can be. Otherwise, why do it? Want to keep reader interest? First, you have to be interesting, and second, you have to hook them with mini-cliffhangers. You didnít do that until page four, which is WAY too late. You have to hit them square in the eyes by page three, or do something to at least gain their attention. You havenít done any of that. Youíve tried extremely hard (and succeeded, I might add), to bore them into unconsciousness. So, congratulations on that.

    Your dialogueÖyes, dialogue is hard. Never let anyone tell you any differently. The dialogue here is something that would be serviceable if it werenít boring.

    Your panel counts: You just HAD to know I was going to say something about those.

    Hereís what he did, everyone. Yes, itís a little disclosure time. This script was done as an exercise for Avatar Press, which publishes Warren Ellisí Anna Mercury. Avatar wants to see their own characters, not Marvel/DC, and definitely not your own creations, as you can well imagine. Their guidelines may even call for a 12-page script. I donít know. Theyíve stopped taking submissions. But thatís not important. Hereís whatís important.

    Jeff knew that he had only 12 pages to tell his story. So, instead of going over the page count, he upped the number of panels per page. If you noticed, the first page was seven, then two or three sixes, then an eight. Now, most comics are going to be five to six panels per page, with the occasional seven, unless youíre playing with the nine-panel grid. Yes, this continues throughout the script, with the only five being page 12.

    Yes, he tried to cram eight pounds of crap into a five pound sack. He had to find some way to fit in all that dialogue and non-action, right? Everyone give him a round of applause for being obvious!

    Now, Iíve said it in B&N, and Iíll say it again: being boring is death. This, my friend, is five pages of exposition. Nothing but. You have a tacked on first page, and then nothing but talking heads saying nothing of interest until I literally couldnít take it any more. I had every intention of doing all twelve pages, but Iím not a masochist.

    I get that Anna is supposed to be a science hero. I do get that. Plausible sounding science is at the heart of the book. But when you have characters droning on and on about it, youíre doing nothing but sapping the energy from the book, and making readers want to put the book down.

    Being boring is death, and you totally killed this entire story before it even had a chance with these five pages.

    Be interesting. Find an interesting way to talk about the science and its ramifications, and keep the story moving. The story never really got started because you were talking too much. Go do this: go explain Nathan Grey, the X-Man, to a non-comic book reader. In order to do it justice, you have to talk about the Age of Apocalypse, the death of Xavier, Jean Grey, Madeleine Pryor, Mister Sinister, Scott Summers, and Cable. Do this to a non-comic book reader, and watch their eyes glaze over.

    This is effectively what you did.

    Be interesting, and do it as fast as possible. That was the biggest problem with this script.


    Thatís all for this week. Next week, we have Dayv Gerberding, and then Chris Longhurst, followed by Roddy Williams, Barri Lang again, Dayv Gerberding again, and Calvin Camp again.

    Am I missing anyone? And before you say it, no, Iím not missing you, Adam. Iím not forgetting about you, nor am I skipping over you. This is part of your personal education. You donít know how to listen, so Iím not bothering to correct you. Youíll either find out what you did wrong on your own, ask for some help from one of the forum members, or your script will languish unedited, and youíll call me a jerk (among other choice names).

    So, am I missing anyone? And letís discuss this.



  2. tylerjames Guest

    Thanks for sharing the script, Jeff, and good luck developing it.

    I thought the new Star Trek flick was a clinic on how to handle sci fi in a non-boring way. Take the movie's concept of "Red Matter" as a sort of doomsday weapon. There probably weren't more than two lines in the script devoted to the exposition of what that substance was, and they didn't even bother trying to explain how it came to be. Yet, the audience understood it fine, because we got to see the red stuff do some major damage. The only major beat we needed to know...Red Matter...some bad ass stuff.

    Character and action. Character and action. Character and action. Every single scene in the new Trek movie hit these two beats and hit them hard. And guess what? The movie was a huge success and wildly popular with a mass audience. I'm trying to take these lessons to heart, myself.



  3. BarriLang Guest

    I have been trying to apply the same principal to writing as I do to party going.

    Arrive late and make a blazing entrance and/or storm out early and leave them all aghast and bewildered.

    In reality I fall into same trap of trying to be too clever and fancy and cramming a ton of boring long winded exposition, long silent pauses and pondering looks for my characters. DOH!

    I'm gonna stop trying to be Oscar Wilde and aim to be Michael Bay! (hopefully miss the mark and fall somewhere in-between)

    Keep at it Jeff and keep your eyes on Steve's articles here. I rarely contribute to the crits, what can I say that Steve hasn't, but I always read every week and see my mistakes in others work. (I then try and apply the suggestions to my own work)

    Hit and miss at the mo

    Oh and don't get me started on the TREK! SOOOO retro and yet contemporary. And I was worried about someone else playing Kirk.... and yet "New Guy" had all the swagger of Shatner without the "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" acting.

    I was pleased
    Last edited by BarriLang; Saturday, May 23, 2009 at 09:24 AM.



  4. AdamH Guest

    What did I miss?

    Jeff, I can echo Barri's statements, keep at it, getting it right can be a long road.

    I don't mean to threadjack here, but I have a problem I'm hoping you folks here at project fanboy can help me out with.

    I've been trading emails with Steven and apparently I've missed something or done something wrong, and now he won't edit my script. He also won't tell me what I've missed/done wrong, but suggest I lay out our conversations here on Project Fanboy, in hopes that one of you fine people can point it out.

    (Note: I had emailed Steven earlier than Event 1, but this was just concerning legal matters. I think that emails has nothing to do with this.)

    1. I emailed Steven with a copy of my script to edit and a few questions about formatting.

    2. (a) I hadn't heard back from him for a few days, so when the next Proving Grounds article came around and I didn't see my name on the list, I asked on one of the earlier proving ground articles if he didn't recieve my script.

    2. (b) I did not hear back from him for a week, so I emailed again, asking if he by any chance he didn't recieve my first email.

    3. Steven emailed me back, telling me he did recieve my email, but he didn't reply. He informed me it was up to me to figure out why he didn't reply.

    4. I responded, assuming he wasn't going to edit my script because of it's content. I put a list of guesses in that email as to why he wouldn't edit it based on my script content.

    5. Steven responded, telling me that it wasn't because the contents of my script, he hasn't even read my script.

    6. After doing a little research, I emailed Steven back with what I thought were the answers to my questions I had posed to him earlier. I also included a copy of the corrected script.

    7. We're at the present.

    So, what did I miss/do wrong?

    My guess would be because I submitted a script to him while I still had questions about the formatting, but I did the research and corrected this.

    Any help/comments in this matter are appreciated.

    Adam



  5. StevenForbes Guest

    I'm counting on you guys to help Adam out, so he can learn his lesson and so I can edit his script.

    A good person to help him out would be Harry. There was a similar kerfluffle way back in the mists of time. However, anyone asking the right question should be able to help. I'll be watching for the questions and the answers.

    And to answer the unspoken question, yes, I'm being a bit of a jerk on purpose, but it's for a reason. If this minor mystery is cleared up to everyone's satisfaction, I'll then explain myself, but not before.

    Thanks.



  6. JohnLees Guest

    Adam, this is a guess, but maybe this could help you.

    Back in the first post of this thread, when first saying he wouldn't look at your script, Steve's wording - "You don’t know how to listen, so I’m not bothering to correct you" - stuck out to me. I was sure I'd read him say that somewhere before. And then it occurred to me. I went to the "Welcome & The Rules" thread, found here:

    http://forums.projectfanboy.com/showthread.php?t=2278

    And looked at rule number one:

    1.) Send your scripts in only one of two formats: .rtf or .odt. I have Word 2000 and Open Office. If you send me anything other than a .rtf or a .odt, I'm not going to bother to correct you, because you don't know how to listen, anyway, and your script won't be edited.

    If it's nothing to do with content, and Steven hasn't even got so far as reading it, perhaps this is where you're going wrong?



  7. AdamH Guest

    John Lees, will you be my pre-editor editor?

    Well, I guess that answers that one, as I believe I'm following the rest of the rules.

    If so, what's the lesson here kids? Read the rules then read them again! Consider the lesson learned.

    Expanding on that: If the company/person you're submitting material too has submission rules, know them and follow them, otherwise they won't read your material or even bother responding to you. I have to thank Steven for having the patience to point me in the right direction, instead of stonewalling me.

    I would even go out on a limb and say that if a company/person you're submitting material doesn't have submission rules, you should contact them first and ask them what format/form they'd like you to submit your material in.

    I'm sure Steven will say all of this a lot more elegantly.

    Also kids, real winners don't use drugs (unless they're perscribed to you by a licensed physician). And eat your vegetables. And drink your milk. And listen to your parents....etc.

    Adam Hudson



  8. StevenForbes Guest

    That just might be it. Let's see what happens.



  9. beans Guest

    thanks

    Tyler and Bari for the encouraging words - the star trek and party going analogies are perfect. Definetely needs more action. Yes, Avatar used to accept only 12 page scripts (but now, another company not accepting writing submissions). I did find out that writing an 8-12 page script is pretty damn hard; but I think if short can be done well, 22-pages would be much more doable. Thanks again Forbes, I'm still pretty blown away by the amount of detail and information you provide with your feedback. While I hope that project flys, this column will be missed.



  10. StevenForbes Guest

    Thanks, Jeff, and you're welcome.

    Okay, Adam is finally in the que! Hooray! Give him a round of applause for finally getting it!

    Adam has a particularly thick skull. (Yes, you're going to hear about this again when your script goes up.) He sent me the initial e-mail with the script, and I didn't open it, because it was in the wrong format. Nor did I respond, as I stated in the rules.

    Then the questions got asked, and I pointed him right here. I all but told him to go look in the Welcome & Rules thread. Instead, he goes to B&N and looks there, thinking that'll do him, and again sends the script in the wrong format. I again don't answer him, and when he contacts me about it again, I tell him to ask all of you.

    For this week's script, I knew I was going to be going over the scripts I had left, and asking if I missed anyone, and I thought I was as obvious as I could be by using something approximating the wording used in the rules so he'd get it, if he ever read them. Instead, I get the second e-mail, and then I tell him to ask all of you.

    This is a perfect object lesson, and one of which I'll be talking about in an upcoming installment of B&N. If you can't follow my extremely simple rules, what makes you think you can put together a successful submission package? A little harsh, but true.

    Adam finally got it, and I believe he learned the lesson. I'm just very happy he learned it here, where it doesn't count, instead of out there, where it could have hurt his credibility as a creator. And this is what The Proving Grounds is all about. A safe (if public) place to make mistakes.

    Now, the order goes like this:

    Dayv Gerberding
    Chris Longhurst
    Roddy Williams
    Barri Lang
    Dayv Gerberding
    Calvin Camp
    Adam Hudson

    Seven weeks, folks, unless you get them in now.

    And I also have to thank all of you for your participation. I expected this column to run for a couple of months because of the lack of initial responses I got. However, here I am with almost double the amount of time invested in it than I thought. All of that is honestly due to all of you, your hard work, and your willingness to undergo a little tough love in a public place. As I said before this column started, it lives and dies because of your participation, and I humbly thank all of you for your work.

    Now get outta here! Go write some more scripts that I can beat you up on! What, you thought I was getting sentimental and soft?!



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Fanboy Buzz is home to Comic Book News, Comic Book Reviews, Comic Book Columns, Comic Book Forums and Comic Book Podcast
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