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Thread: TPG: Week 20- Chris Longhurst

  1. StevenForbes Guest

    TPG: Week 20- Chris Longhurst

    Hello, one and all. Welcome back to another edition of The Proving Grounds. This week brings us Chris Longhurst. Let's see how he does!

    More Than Human

    General Notes to the Artist:
    1. We’re in the UK for this story, London for the most part. If you’re not familiar with our sceptered little isle, let me know and I’ll fill in the key visual differences between the US and the UK. (Mainly, we have far fewer high-rise buildings and it’s filthy over here.)
    2. Related to 1. London is multicultural, so populate the crowds and random bystanders with faces of all colours. Once you leave London, things get very white very fast. There are exceptions, but I’ll mention those if and when they become important.
    3. Related to 2. When I say Asian I mean people from India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, that sort of area. Not from Japan, China, Korea, etc. That’s a British thing.
    4. Character descriptions are in a separate document that should accompany this one wherever it goes.
    5. Where I include them, my ideas for panel layout, spacing, etc. are just suggestions. If you know a better way of doing it, please be my guest.

    (Chris, these are GREAT notes for the artist. You’ve given the cultural differences, you’ve given a nice foundation of thought for settings, you’ve stated you’ll get references if needed, and stated that if they have a better idea for layouts, to go for it. Very nice start. Let’s see if the rest of the script follows. Oh, and for our readers: yes, Chris also sent along a different document for his character descriptions. No, I didn’t read it because I don’t find it important for this column. The great thing, though, is that he created the document just for the artist! For that alone, he’s to be commended.)

    PAGE ONE (8 panels)
    Here’s the layout: there are four TV-shaped panels with a person talking to a TV camera (our POV). These panels should be TV-shaped or otherwise show that we’re looking at a televised image. Daytime, outside, various ‘shopping street’ type backgrounds. The time of year for this whole story is Summer, so plenty of bright sunshine and people in less clothes. (Great panel description! You took care of the entire season in one swoop. Great!)

    Next to each TV-panel is a panel-sized blank space containing Sam’s caption and nothing else. (While I’m not a fan of the layout, I get it. Hopefully, you have something interesting to say here.)

    Panel 1. An Asian woman in a suit looks thoughtful and speaks, not looking into the camera.

    WOMAN:
    Well, I suppose she makes the place safer. I just wish she wouldn’t be so violent about it.

    Panel 2. Blank.

    CAP:
    My name is Samantha Jones, and I’m a superhero.

    Panel 3. A trendy-looking young man speaks into the camera with a slight leer. One of his friends (also trendy) is also in shot, doing a ‘muscle flex’ pose and talking to dude #1. (If they’re not wearing muscle shirts or somesuch, this may look a little silly.)

    DUDE:
    I wouldn’t kick her out of bed, you know what I’m saying?

    DUDE’S FRIEND:
    You couldn’t kick her out of bed. You see when she smacked the Black Knight with a car last week? (This doesn’t match the pose he’s doing. I like the dialogue here, but I also want it to match what’s being said.)

    Panel 4. Blank.

    CAP:
    I’ve been beating up bad guys for the government since I was 14 years old.

    CAP:
    That’s ten years next month.

    Panel 5. Black guy, straight off a council estate. He’s not looking at us and is a bit uncomfortable, since he’s not used to talking honestly to a camera like this.

    BLACK DUDE:
    She save my brother, give him a second chance. (Is this an attempt at an accent? If so, okay. If not, it needs to be corrected.)

    BLACK DUDE:
    She done right by me an’ mine, ‘s all I can say.

    Panel 6. Blank.

    CAP:
    Ten years.

    Panel 7. A middle-aged white woman, looks like an academic. She’s waving a finger at the camera, facing directly into it, in full-on ‘lecturing to students’ mode.

    OLDER WOMAN:
    It’s a sign of our diseased culture that a woman who gains her power by being hit is considered a role model for our children.

    Panel 8. Blank.

    CAP:
    There are days when I wonder why I bother. (Meh. As a first page, I’m not a fan. Not a strong opening. Not as weak as some, but it could be stronger.)

    PAGE TWO (3 panels)

    Panel 1. Big panel for impact. Exterior, daytime. Bright sunshine, everyone in t-shirts. We’re outside Wembley Stadium, London, with the stadium taking up most of the background. In front of the stadium, there are a whole load of police vans. Uniformed officers are loading various men into these vans – a lot of the men are wearing white t-shirts and a lot of the men are wearing royal blue t-shirts, and these men are being kept separate. (These are replica shirts of the England and France national football (soccer) sides, but that level of detail will probably be invisible here unless you want to put the odd number on a back or something.)

    In the lower foreground (letting the stadium take up the top half of the panel) Sam Jones is standing, surprised, as a young man in an England shirt grabs her t-shirt in that ‘lapel-grab’ gesture you see angry people do a lot. Sam’s just come out of a giant fight so she’s a little messed up – hair coming loose from her ponytail, t-shirt maybe torn. Nothing like blood or bruises though. (I don’t think this can be done. Not well, at least. You’re calling for a big panel, and in order to get everything you want, you have to go aerial, especially to get the impact you really want. Because of that, you’re not going to really be able to get a good look at the hero and her troubles in this panel. Know what can and cannot be drawn. I’m thinking this cannot be done.)

    The bloke can’t actually move her, so he’s not knocking her off-balance or anything. He’s absolutely seething with rage, getting right up in Sam’s face and yelling at her. He’s both taller and more muscular than her. Two of his friends are nearby, startled by his outburst and not sure whether to back him up or back away.

    TITLE CAP (not in a box, since this is a location identifier):
    Wembley Stadium
    London, England

    CAP:
    I think I’m going to quit.

    FOOTBALL GUY (jagged):
    You beat up the ****ing first eleven, you silly bitch!

    FOOTBALL GUY (jagged):
    That’s our world cup down the shitter!

    Panel 2. Closer shot, showing the upper half of Sam and football guy. Sam has grabbed his nose and is squeezing hard. Her eyes are narrowed and she is giving him a stony-faced stare. The football guy is shocked and suddenly in pain, and has let go of Sam’s t-shirt in a hurry. (Moving panel. Tell me where, Calvin. Now, with that out of the way, in order to see some of this, the guy’s back is going to have to be toward us, or at least a ¾ view. Why? Because you want to show her stone-faced stare. If that’s not important, then the artist will more than likely go with a side view that shows the nose pinch, but it will be pulled out in order to show both people. You lose the impact of the stare, then. Know what you’re asking for.)

    CAP:
    These are the people I risk my life to save. (This would read better instead of “to save”, it read “for.” You get both some word conservation, as well as a sense that she’s not saving the world, but she’s risking her life for people. See the difference? Saving the world is a little impersonal. Risking your life for people—it doesn’t get more personal than that.)

    SAM:
    Bastard.

    FOOTBALL GUY:
    Hng!

    SAM:
    If I hit you now, you would die. (Comma.)

    Panel 3. Flashback panel. I’m thinking flashbacks in b/w and ‘present day’ in colour but if you know a better technique, go ahead. Interior, a really nice office. Our view is of a wooden desk, set in front of a large window that overlooks a football pitch (Wembley, although there’s no way of knowing that right now). Seated on the desk is Nymph, although backlit by the sunshine from the windows she’s just a shadowy woman sitting (provocatively) on a desk.

    NYMPH:
    Who fights for you, Samantha Jones? (Again, another weak page turn. The first one was better than this, but not by much. And there are lots of ways to show flashbacks. More than likely, the colorist will color these panels something garish.)



    PAGE 3 (7 panels)

    Panel 1. Back outside Wembley after the brief flashback. Sam has let go of the guy’s nose and he has stumbled back, both hands clamped over his nose. Now he’s out of her grasp he’s back to belligerent instead of fearful again. His mates are hurrying in to catch him and offer support. Sam is still staring at him with disdain.

    SAM:
    Touch me again--

    SAM:
    --look at me again--

    SAM:
    --and I will feed you your own balls.

    Panel 2. Small panel. Close up on Sam’s flinty stare, just a strip across the eyes and eyebrows.

    (NO DIALOGUE)

    Panel 3. Small panel. Close up on the football dude’s angry look – same eyes-and-eyebrows strip as Sam’s panel. They’re having a staredown.

    (NO DIALOGUE)

    Panel 4. Close-up on the football dude as he looks off to one side. His face has fallen and he’s filled with shame.

    (NO DIALOGUE)

    Panel 5. Sam walks over to a plain white van, while the football dude and his mates stumble off in the opposite direction. Leaning against the van, taking advantage of what little shade it offers, is Ben Ganesh with his goggles on. His hands are in his pockets.

    SAM:
    Have you got her locked up?

    BEN:
    Yep. Airtight van, all female guard crew, no contact except through vocoders. We’ll work out how she does it this time.

    Panel 6. Close up on the shady side of the van. Sam leans on the van next to Ben, looking sidelong at him. Ben’s expression and overall pose haven’t changed but he is tapping the side of his head with one finger. (Nope, I’m not going to call moving panel here. I suggest adding a small SXF that says “taptaptap” right at his finger/head. See how easy that is?)

    SAM:
    And you?

    BEN:
    Told you. I’m too smart for her. Turns out impossible beauty is no match for applied reasoning.

    BEN:
    What about you? You look… shagged, to coin a phrase.

    Panel 7. Closer, on the top halves of their bodies against the white van. Ben has turned his head to look at Sam, although his expression remains blank. Sam has her eyes closed and is leaning her head back against the van.

    SAM:
    Bastards.
    (Three pages, three weak page-turns. This does not bode well.)

    PAGE 4 (5 panels)
    We’re in flashback territory here, unless mentioned otherwise. This is 20 minutes ago, so Sam is wearing the same clothes that she’s wearing ‘in the present’, so to speak.

    Panel 1. Exterior, daytime. There’s a football riot going on, guys in white t-shirts (England fans) versus guys in royal blue (France fans). We’re looking at the stands (where the seats are) so everything’s on a slope. The shot is quite close in, so we can see the expression on Sam’s face as she fights her way through a whole crowd of men in white. This expression is rage – the whole experience is massively frustrating for her. The men are swamping her from one side even as she knocks several away with a sweep of her other arm.

    TITLE CAP:
    20 minutes ago.

    SAM (jagged):
    BASTARDS!

    Panel 2. Same location, but the shot is pulled back. Sam has broken free of the men and is sprinting up the stairs towards a tunnel. A few of the men are looking in her direction but most are just piling down the stairs toward the pitch, where the big fight is taking place.

    (NO DIALOGUE)

    Panel 3. Sam is peering into an empty changing room. Do the shot from inside the room, so we can see Sam’s head looking in and her hand on the doorframe. The place is tidy, but empty. The tunnel we can see behind her is just whitewashed concrete.

    (NO DIALOGUE)

    Panel 4. Sam stands in the VIP lounge, which is all nice carpeting, dark wood, old world class. There are signs that people fled from here in a hurry – overturned furniture, spilled drinks, etc. There are huge windows along one wall to watch the game from (and through which we can see the riot if you feel like drawing it from that angle) and a long, well-stocked bar along the opposite wall. Once again, there’s no one here now.

    (NO DIALOGUE)

    Panel 5. A plain interior door in a plain interior wall. There’s a plaque on it that reads ‘Executive Director’. Sam has her hand on it, is pushing it open.

    (NO DIALOGUE)

    (Silent pages go fast. I get that you’re trying to set up something of a mystery here, but you’re not doing much more than boring your editor. For the reader, they won’t mind all that much. They’ll flash through this page.)

    PAGE 5 (5 panels)
    Still in flashback mode.

    Panel 1. This is the same office from the flashback on page 2, except here we’re looking at Nymph’s back in the foreground as she sits on the desk and we can see Sam coming in through the door opposite. Sam looks angry.

    NYMPH:
    Oh. It is you. ‘Ow tedious.

    SAM (freezing):
    Nymph.

    NYMPH:
    But of course. Who else would this many men fight over?

    Panel 2.
    This is the same panel as the one from the flashback on page 2. Same pose, same everything, but add some more detail to Nymph. She’s smirking at Sam, utterly confident.

    NYMPH:
    Who fights for you, Samantha Jones?

    Panel 3. Sam, storming across the room towards Nymph. She’s furious, her fists are clenched.

    SAM:
    I fight for myself.

    Panel 4. Closer on Nymph. She’s rolling her eyes and looks bored, making a dismissive gesture with one hand.

    NYMPH:
    That is not what I meant, but it is of no importance.

    Panel 5. Similar shot, but Nymph is smiling with the same smug confidence as she had when Sam first walked in. She is clapping her hands. (FINALLY! It only took five pages for not only something interesting to happen, but for a proper page-turn. Too bad this is already back on the shelf as being boring.)

    NYMPH:
    Boys?

    SFX:
    Clap


    PAGE 6 (3 panels)
    Flashback.

    Panel 1. Big shot of the office, Nymph sitting on the desk in the centre, Sam looking surprised in the foreground. Coming through a door on one side are the England national side in their full kit. Coming in through the other side are the French national side. It’s probably best to just use fictional footballers. These guys are under Nymph’s control, but they’re not zombies – they just really, really want to do whatever she says. They’re looking at Sam like they’re sizing her up for a kicking. Which they are. (No. Here’s what you’ve done: You put Sam in the foreground, which means she’s closer to us. Nymph is in the middle-ground. Now, what’s in the background? Where are the boys coming from? They can’t come from in front, because Sam’s there. You said so yourself. Are they coming from doors on the side? If so, those doors are magically delicious, because you never mentioned them before. And if that’s the case, those doors are going to be behind Sam, possibly on the same plane as Nymph. Oh, and just to be clear about something else, in order for Sam to be in the foreground AND for us to see her face, then her back HAS to be to Nymph, which is fine if Nymph isn’t a physical threat. But if her back is to Nymph and the boys are coming out from doors that are on the same plane as Nymph, then Sam’s back is to the lovely gents, as well. Know what can be drawn, and know how you want it.)

    Important Note: One of the black guys on the England squad is Aaron Boya. It’s not really important which one, but remember which one you pick since he’ll be showing up again later on and should be drawn consistently.

    NYMPH:
    All these lovely men to do anything I could ask.

    NYMPH:
    How many men do what you ask, Samantha Jones? How many would so much as pour your wine?

    Panel 2. Shot of Sam, still standing in the doorway. She’s got a determined look on her face.

    SAM:
    You know these guys can’t hurt me. Just give yourself up and--

    Panel 3. Close up of Nymph, showing her wicked smile.

    NYMPH:
    Of course not. But you can hurt them.

    NYMPH:
    Boys? Kill her.

    CAP:
    What was I supposed to do? Stand there and let them beat me up? (No. This came out of nowhere. Who’s she talking to? If she’s talking to Ben, that’s fine. Just put quotation marks around it. If she’s not, then the stopping and starting of the internal monologue has to go. Other than that, this is another good page-turn.)


    PAGE 7 (10 panels – but most are tiny!)
    Flashback. There are several panels on this page which are just ‘Sam fighting’. These don’t have to be in any order, from any specific camera angle, or anything, they’re just opportunities to show Sam beating up 22 footballers. Bear in mind when drawing the fight that she’s not ‘super-strong’ charged up at the moment, just ‘super-athlete-strong’.

    Panel 1. Sam fighting. The first guy is reaching for her and she’s punching him in the face, breaking his nose. Make sure to show some blood.

    CAP:
    I mean, she was right.

    Panel 2. Sam fighting. Another shot of her hurting someone as more footballers pile in.

    CAP:
    I did hurt them.

    CAP:
    But what was I supposed to do?

    Panels 3-8. I see these as a string of small, square panels across the middle of the page, maybe an inch high, showing close-ups of Sam dishing out and taking hits. There’s a similar sort of arrangement in The Last Iron Fist Story, with Danny and Orson in the pulp underground station, if you want to see what I mean. Reference available upon request. (No. Make the artist do their own work and research for something like this. This is one of the very few times that what you want shouldn’t be what you get. You’ll make the artist look like they’re not original, and that can be death to their career, Greg Land aside.)

    (NO DIALOGUE)

    Panel 9. A side-on (or mostly side-on) shot of Nymph on the desk, smiling her smug smile.

    NYMPH:
    And now everyone ‘ates you. So I win anyway.

    NYMPH:
    Zey ‘ate you, and zey love me. Because I am beautiful. (Nymph’s accent seems to be inconsistent. Now she sounds French, when before she sounded a little cockney. Now, that being said, being French is so VERY cliché.)

    Panel 10. The same shot as 9, except that Nymph is mostly out of the frame, having been punched off the desk by a furious Sam, who has appeared in-frame and is in the follow-through from her swing. The impression I’m trying to give is a ‘punch from nowhere’ after Nymph taunted Sam past her breaking point.

    NYMPH (jagged, from off-panel if we can’t see her face):
    AAAAAHH!

    SFX:
    WHNCH

    And that’s were I’m going to stop. This ends the flashback, in case anyone was wondering.

    Okay, so here’s what we’ve got:

    Boring! And boring for a superhero title does not bode well at all. Let’s take it from the top.

    Your panel descriptions are generally okay, until you start to reach for a lot. Then you start to fall down, because you put in things that cannot be drawn. That is the second biggest problem with this script: knowing what can and cannot be drawn. If you have any doubts about anything, thumbnail it out. No, the script notes you put in earlier don’t cover this. I won’t allow you to take the lazy way out. Either know what you’re talking about, or learn it. You can’t fake it, because it’s way too easy to spot.

    Your dialogue works. I’d call this your strong point. Except for the cockney-french chick, the dialogue was very readable. Not much I would change about it at all. Good job.

    The worst thing, the unforgivable thing, is that it took you too long to get to any sort of point. You didn’t really get anywhere by P7, where I stopped. Boring opening page, and then another two pages, then a flashback that doesn’t really lead anywhere. All it does is tell of the fight. It doesn’t really set anything up for the future, not that I could see, and I wasn’t interested enough to keep going.

    So it’s boring. As I say over and over (and over and over) and over and over again, boring is death. You want someone to pick this up? You’ve GOT to be interesting right out of the gate. You’ve got a maximum of three pages to be interesting before a reader decides to put a book back. If you haven’t grabbed them in three pages, you’re not going to. Not without a “name.” I was able to get to P7 and still have no sense of what the story is about. That’s damned near half the book. That’s a crime.

    Put the story in the first half, unless her wanting to quit IS the story. I’m calling that weak if that’s the case, and your book isn’t going to go far at all. I’m betting this isn’t the case, and with that bet, put your story at the forefront. Draw the reader in, then you can meander with subplots. You can be boring to start with when you get a “name.” Until then, smack the reader in the nose as soon as you can.

    One last note: put Ben's name in a place where it can be read by the audience at your earliest opportunity.


    That’s all I have for now. Next week brings us Roddy Williams, and then Barri Lang.

    Let’s discuss this.



  2. tylerjames Guest

    I mentioned Invincible as a super hero book worth checking out for any writer starting a new super hero series. Another trade worth picking up is the first volume of Jay Faeber's Dynamo 5. Every issue starts off with action and draws in the reader immediately.

    Chris, thanks for sharing your script. Start this bad boy with our heroine kicking one of the soccer stars in the balls, or battling the whole group of them. A caption something like..."I'm kicking the ass of the entire British National Soccer Team. I'm about to be the most hated woman in London." Or something like that.

    Start with action, back up with character, wax and repeat. There's good stuff here.



  3. AdamH Guest

    (No. Make the artist do their own work and research for something like this. This is one of the very few times that what you want shouldn’t be what you get. You’ll make the artist look like they’re not original, and that can be death to their career, Greg Land aside.)
    Steven, the above reaction suprised me a little bit. Is there a good rule of thumb of when to give your artist a sample of what you referenced and when to make them do their own research?

    For example, it would be ok to give your artist a link to a picture of a specific plane or truck you want them to draw, but it's not ok to give them a sample of a piece of artwork that contains a style you'd like them to copy?

    - Adam



  4. MartinBrandt Guest

    If you want them to copy it, why not get the artist who does the style?

    Asking an artist to copy a style in a comic book really does nothing to help the artist's career at all.

    Reference photos are good. Showing him the latest Jim Lee comic and saying draw that way, is not.



  5. MartinBrandt Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by LiamBradley View Post
    edit
    LOL

    Come on, all dem orientals all look alike.

    HAHAHA... sorry couldn't resist. I want to punch people in the mouth when they say oriental. IN-THE-MOUTH!



  6. LiamBradley Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by MartinBrandt View Post
    LOL

    Come on, all dem orientals all look alike.

    HAHAHA... sorry couldn't resist. I want to punch people in the mouth when they say oriental. IN-THE-MOUTH!
    Hey my girlfriend's chinese you racist bastard :eek: haha.

    I edited, I didn't realise that he included the area in asia they would be descended from in the artist notes.



  7. MartinBrandt Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by LiamBradley View Post
    Hey my girlfriend's chinese you racist bastard :eek: haha.

    I edited, I didn't realise that he included the area in asia they would be descended from in the artist notes.
    This is where I follow up and ask if her favorite colors are orange and yellow. But really do I want to sink that low?

    My wife dad is half-Okinawan(other half Irish). (don't call them Japanese either, they will gut you.)



  8. LiamBradley Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by MartinBrandt View Post
    This is where I follow up and ask if her favorite colors are orange and yellow. But really do I want to sink that low?

    My wife dad is half-Okinawan(other half Irish). (don't call them Japanese either, they will gut you.)
    Don't tell my girlfriend's dad I'm with her...he'll gut me. Haha!



  9. StevenForbes Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by AdamH View Post
    Steven, the above reaction suprised me a little bit. Is there a good rule of thumb of when to give your artist a sample of what you referenced and when to make them do their own research?

    For example, it would be ok to give your artist a link to a picture of a specific plane or truck you want them to draw, but it's not ok to give them a sample of a piece of artwork that contains a style you'd like them to copy?

    - Adam
    Adam, it's called swiping, and while not truly a no-no, it's a no-no.

    You have artists like Land who go and get some porn or Sports Illustrated and just go crazy with the lightbox. Then you have other artists who will swipe a panel or two from a comic, and then get caught out there doing it. What Chris asked for basically was a swipe of an entire page, and while artists do that, too, it's really nothing more than rank laziness on their part.

    Don't ask your artists to swipe. They can do homages, but don't ask them to swipe. There are enough swipers out there, already. Don't knowingly add to their ranks. Have your artists create original pieces of art, not copy someone else's.

    Does that answer the question for you?



  10. CalvinCamp Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by StevenForbes View Post
    Panel 2. Closer shot, showing the upper half of Sam and football guy. Sam has grabbed his nose and is squeezing hard. Her eyes are narrowed and she is giving him a stony-faced stare. The football guy is shocked and suddenly in pain, and has let go of Sam’s t-shirt in a hurry. (Moving panel. Tell me where, Calvin. Now, with that out of the way, in order to see some of this, the guy’s back is going to have to be toward us, or at least a ¾ view. Why? Because you want to show her stone-faced stare. If that’s not important, then the artist will more than likely go with a side view that shows the nose pinch, but it will be pulled out in order to show both people. You lose the impact of the stare, then. Know what you’re asking for.)
    And here I was going to give you a rest this week because I'm sicker than three dogs, but you had to go and call me out.

    What I think makes it a moving panel is "has let go of Sam’s t-shirt in a hurry". The artist can draw "has let go of Sam's t-shirt", but the artist can't draw it happening "in a hurry".

    You might also be having an issue with "has grabbed his nose and is squeezing." One is a past action given to clarify the current action, obviously not intended to be happening at the same time. I wouldn't call that sort of thing a moving panel description, but you have before, so that might be a secondary issue for you as well.

    ---
    And, just because I can't leave a post without disagreeing with you at least a little bit ...

    I think it would be possible to show that she has his nose in hand and still get the stare without going too far off a sideview - it wouldn't need to be a full 3/4, just rotated slightly in favor of the girl. But there's a bigger problem with this panel.

    The problem is the stare itself. If you place importance on her stare, and set the panel up to bring attention to that, then you're going to create a problem by not showing the guy's reaction well enough. The only way to show that she's squeezing hard enough to cause pain, rather than just giving his nose a playful tweak, is by showing his reaction to it. So what's happening on his face is what's important, it doesn't matter what's happening on hers. Forget the stone-faced stare. If you want a 3/4, this panel should be a 3/4 with the girl's back toward us.

    ----

    Chris,
    Just some thoughts...

    I didn't find this nearly as boring as Steven apparently did, but, being a supers book, I think it could use a little more punch in the beginning (literally and figuratively).

    I'd consider loosing the flashbacks, if I were you. You aren't moving far enough through time to really need them, and it's in the flashbacks where all the action is taking place. Action that could be right up front. Get the fight front and center and save the drama for later. Flashbacks are fine when they're needed, but here you don't need them, and they're not being your friend.

    I kind of like your first page, as a sort of prelude. But, from there, I'd jump straight to page four, with the football riot taking place and the search for Nymph (and add some voice-over to the silent page, so we know this is the same character being talked about on page 1).



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Fanboy Buzz is home to Comic Book News, Comic Book Reviews, Comic Book Columns, Comic Book Forums and Comic Book Podcast
Check out some of our past podcast hosts doing podcasts at GonnaGeek.com. Sci-Fi, Tech, Gaming, Comics and More!