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Thread: What It Takes To Sell Your Pitch, Part 2

  1. LeeNordling Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by drgerb View Post
    Wow, holy late reply, eh? I'm assuming nobody'll reply to this, no big deal. Every time I log onto a forum and see a 2 year late post, I think, 'Gah. Bastard.' Anyway... So I was rereading these forums to get a better understanding of comics when I hit that above quote and started asking myself things...

    Spoiler, in case nobody's seen Memento. If not, go watch it now. And then get back here. Anyway...

    I must say, Memento, as great as it was, the ending was a bit lame. I hit the ending, and I thought, what the--? The pitch, which dwells on something that he did, but that we didn't see, was the clenching of the fists. I mean--

    I can't tell if the pitch is weak, which it's not, but moreso the movie has that weakness factor... In that the final resolution of the pitch is a scene that we never witnessed in the movie. It's a flashback to a scene we haven't seen. We've seen a polaroid of it. It's a flashback / an explanation from another character... Which, I guess, from the perspective of the narrator, is understandable, in respects to; He can't make new memories, so in a way, we can't either... But still. We're a third party viewer here. We should see the entire story, THEN make our judgements on it.

    'for us to discover he's already killed him.'

    That's like saying 'Oh yeah, Mario saves the princess in the end, but you're still gonna play through the game.' Doesn't that somehow, leave somebody with an upset stomach?

    I guess when I read 'story,' I read 'everything the reader experiences' or goes through. Sure, glancing at a polaroid in a story is part of the story, but it's kind of a cheap way out. We need to see the story unfold. If that scene, of Lenny killing the killer would have somehow been introduced somewhere in the story, and worked, the ending would have been that much bigger. I dunno.

    Last side though. I feel I've got nowhere to go for advice / creating comics talk. Anyone somehow browzing here know of any other good forums / websites? I'm running out of places to go. Gah!
    Roberts, you're reacting to so much that takes place beyond a film you've already seen without recognizing the inherent HOOK--not pitch--that I was intending with that set up.

    It wraps up the entire story for an editor to see...and that's the point of much of what I wrote about: tell the GOOD part.

    Okay, you think it's lame...but it was a truly unexpected twist to the story; it's the thing that had been set up from the beginning.

    It's okay that you didn't like it, but that wasn't the point, and I hope you can see that.

    The POINT is that THAT WAS THE TWIST FOR THAT STORY...and the hook delivers that.

    Rather than concern yourself with the work of others, I suggest you concern yourself with producing something better by applying what you've been learning.

    Just constructive criticism to try and keep the intended point intact, rather than having it devolve into a "I like"/"I hate" memento discussion. That CERTAINLY wasn't my point, which is something I hope you're aware.



  2. drgerb Guest

    Thanks for the swift reply. Any thoughts on bringing this topic back? Gah, do I miss it. Anyway.

    I do understand that now. It's funny how easy something is to understand in hindsight. My issues were with the story itself, not the pitch. And to judge a pitch based on element within the story is the wrong way to look at it; Missing the point.

  3. drgerb Guest

    Bleh, just a quick attempt, if anybody ever gets around to reading it... Since nobody else tried...

    'This is the story about a man who likes playing with fire, only for him to discover...'

    ...he can control fire?

    Or that fire was what took his own life?

    'This is the story about a woman who loves men, only for her to discover...'

    The human she truly fell in love with was another woman.

    That men are slaves.

    'This is the story about a child who wants to be a hero when he grows up, only for him to discover...'

    That every hero is somebody else's villain.

    I think the final one was where I got anxious. The first two were kinda, random... But in doing them, I *did* realize the whole... Build you hook on the premise. Make point 1 relate to point 2; Or more importantly, make the final point kinda come back to the first. Like, bring it all back together.

    Dunno if I'm making progress, rereading all these old posts, heh. Once again. I hope I am. Anyway. If nobody reads this / replies, no big deal. As long as I *feel* I'm still learning. Thanks again, Lee, for all of your articles. Very great information. Though the one thing I'll say is lacking, is you don't have a conventional 'Week 1,' 'Week 2,' kind of calender system. Sometimes I'm guessing which file is the next week. But that's only a minor concern. Anyway. Thanks again. Peace.

  4. LeeNordling Guest

    For those who wish to read these threads in the "correct" (or originating) order, simply sort them in the order they were started. There's the sort option toward the bottom on the left.

    Re. your recent attempts at creating the hook, Roberts, when you finish writing a hook ask yourself the following question: Does the last half of the sentence PERFECTLY spin the first half of the sentence in a different (and preferably ironic) direction?

    If yes, it works.

    If no, then it doesn't .

    Last edited by LeeNordling; Sunday, September 19, 2010 at 02:43 PM.

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