1ST I have to thanks Calvin for giving me a bit of a heads up on this script. He actually asked me if i was dyslexic because my spelling was so bad and sentences were all over the shop. Though I can spell, when I'm typing really fast I never stop to look at what I've written and here's where TPG has become a bit "Bitter Sweet" for me. I've LEARNED A LOT about writing but it's also making me lazy. I'm not proof reading my own work anymore and just leaving it to Steve and Calvin.
SO I self edited it and it turned out a lot better than the original. (And I had time to submit my edit for Calvin to use.
Something else I've been working on, but still need to work at, is the "research" aspect of writing. Case and point was my ham-fisted description of the "Cabin" (the tube that houses the passengers.)
So from now on to make sure i don't waste the help I've gotten over these months with TPG I'm going to self edit, and self edit again..... and then again for luck.
Oh and the collar was a hint to what will be revealed in the next scene. The rescuers are death row convicts.
As for the pace, I've been trying to keep scenes to 5 pages.. rigid I know but it helps me structure a story. But this is probably not the way to go... as you've seen it makes me stretch and squash parts that should have less/more time given to them.
Cheers for the review Calvin. Hope to hear from the rest of the gang.