Thanks for the comments Calvin. I'll start at the beginning with some of my own.
page one, panel 4:
I agree that that's a lot of information to include in one panel, especially when it comes to the nametags. But here is my question: I want to give the artist as much info as I can in this panel, it being the first time we see the other contestants. I don't really need the names on the nametags to be 100% legible because their names are HUGE on the displays in front of them. If that's the case, do I need to tell the artist to just draw scribbles on the nametags since it's too far away to see? Is giving the information here a demand that the artist draw it with perfect clarity? The audience at the Price is Right that I remember wasn't that large, and the aisle was off to the side of the contestants. I guess a link to a video would provide some more information for the size of the audience, studio seteup, etc. With the right angle, I think the artitst might be able to show at least the approximation of a name on a nametag, even if it's not perfectly clear. So how do I convey that message?
Ugh, those commas. I just read (and reread) the rule and I have it now. I always want to leave out commas unless I really want a pause in the flow, but here it's just a rule that I have to live with. Even if I don't like it.
page three, panel 1:
There are two words here that are horribly misused, and one that is perfect. I used table in the description, but I really needed to say counter. Then I used kitchen in the dialogue, which brings up visions of cabinets and an actual "room." The one perfect word is the one you used. Island. I'm thinking of a kitchen island. This of course is the only way that a backdrop makes sense. thanks for pointing that out. oh yeah, "fire-retardent" just sounds like one of the ridiculous things you'd hear coming from the announcer in that show. I've watched plenty of Price is Right reruns and the words they use to describe the items are just bizarre. "Fire retardent" is meant to be somewhat ludicrous and I didn't necessarily want that to influence the visual look of the kitchen island.
page three, panel 2:
Oh God, I just realized I mixed up Jeopardy for the Price is Right when it comes to the names on the displays. Price is Right never had the names on the displays when the contestants arrived. Creative freedom? The displays here are the same "panels" that I described in page one, panel 4. Using the same word would be helpful. Sorry.
page three, panels 3 and 4:
This order fits my earlier placement of the characters. Mitch is on the far left of the page (his far right), and the others continue across the page to the right (his left). The blank balloons were supposed to signify that Mitch is lost in his own world here. All is drowned out in this moment except his thoughts (in CAP), until BB comes in with the announcement that he's won. If it doesn't add anything interesting, then I'll take your advice and ditch it.
page four, panel 5:
yep, forgot where I put that darn alarm. thanks.
page four, panel 6:
yeah, struggling is probably the wrong word. I wanted him to be in the process of getting up, but it needs to look awkward since the plate is on his lap. And you're right about the scene needing some tightening up. When I read through it now, I realize that the panels were extended to make room for the TV dialogue, which isn't interesting until later in the story. i like your advice though. I can just squeeze more of the TV dialogue into the panels and forget about the close ups.
Well, that's about it for now. Gotta get back to work as you say. Thanks!