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Thread: Your Own Private Wormhole, Part 1: All the time in the world

  1. danialworks Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by LeeNordling View Post
    Danial's grade:

    1. "As many as twenty seconds." Hmmm. Well, it's sort of specific, but I sure hope Danial knows this ISN'T a specific period of time. Giving him the benefit of the doubt: PASS.
    OK. Back to self-analyzing.

    1. The scientist's original line was a straight "two seconds." I changed it to better match the first appearance of the time machine. For the sake of the lesson, I should have left it alone, as Lee's right, I vagued it up real good. And the panel might work better if I'd added the line "as many as 20 seconds" for the stated reason, and then adapted the original line into a third balloon.... "OK, two." That would be entirely specific. Oh, and I did know what I wrote meant "up to 20 seconds." I thought the passage of time was clear enough to work, but admit I should've kept to the simple rule. "2 seconds."

    2. New setting for Dapper and PG, and reverse it back to the end of the first date, same new setting, 40 years earlier. This is like the word balloon... just reverse and/or build on and then reverse something you did before. This is my favorite of the reverses.

    3. And this one just kinda works in a way Mr. Ant was never going to work. Two guys become two dino guys, same party, different eon. Carry the thought over in a narrative caption to connect the timing in a specific way.
    Last edited by LeeNordling; Sunday, March 21, 2010 at 04:40 AM.



  2. LeeNordling Guest

    Creative solutions, Danial, and I like you examining the nature of your solutions to your assignments.

    Here's the ONE thing to remember: the assignment is so clear that you and others must always ask one question, "Have I stayed EXACTLY where I was in both panels, and can the reader tell EXACTLY how much time has passed between them?"

    I don't care how creative the assignment is if the answer to both these questions isn't "yes."

    There isn't any gray area or over-thinking to do here. Ask the questions, and if the answers are "yes," then it's going to be a PASS.

    Now, here's another tip about what we're doing: this is what any creator should do about ANY assignment from ANY editor, and if the job doesn't do EXACTLY what the assignment requires, and if the creator didn't get PERMISSION TO GO OUTSIDE THE BOUNDS OF THE ASSIGNMENT, then that creator has screwed up.

    Again, this is the "Pro" part of Comics Pro Prep, and this is the saddle that professional creators have got to learn to deal with.

    Keep it up, folks.

    --Lee



  3. danialworks Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by LeeNordling View Post
    Creative solutions, Danial, and I like you examining the nature of your solutions to your assignments.
    One last self-analytical thought for the day.

    Fastman and the bullet, Mister Ant, and the space rift did not pass.

    Fastman 2A passed, and God in the clouds passed, as did Blake Action, and even though he's my personal favorite...

    I should simply have STARTED OUT by doing the sundae kids, Dapper Guy 1, and time machine 1-- all three more basic, simple examples of comics scripting, and all three simply saying the time "out loud."

    My first batch shoulda been my first one.
    Last edited by LeeNordling; Sunday, March 21, 2010 at 04:41 AM.



  4. LeeNordling Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by danialworks View Post
    One last self-analytical thought for the day.

    Fastman and the bullet, Mister Ant, and the space rift did not pass.

    Fastman 2A passed, and God in the clouds passed, as did Blake Action, and even though he's my personal favorite...

    I should simply have STARTED OUT by doing the sundae kids, Dapper Guy 1, and time machine 1-- all three more basic, simple examples of comics scripting, and all three simply saying the time "out loud."

    My first batch shoulda been my first one.
    Yep, walking before running.

    This exercise has proved to be a great example of something I see all-too-often from comics creators: thinking they're accomplishing their goals/the assignment, when they really missed by a mile.

    And then the work begins to get them back to where they need to be in the sandbox...or cutting them loose.

    I've written this before, but for any of you seriously interested in working professionally in sequential art, you need to be able to tackle and succeed every time on something as fundamentally simple and important as this assignment.

    If you take this work or its lessons for granted, then, when you suddenly get that big break you've been looking for, you won't have done the work you needed to do to have a better chance at succeeding.

    To quote the old cliché, I'm as serious as cancer.

    --Lee



  5. drgerb Guest

    14 Seconds.

    Panel 1: A man is on his knees in a street holding a woman in his hands. Her head is tilted back at the neck and blood is dripping down and landing on a red rose laying in the street beneath her.

    Narration: And to think the lovers were on cloud nine only 14 seconds earlier..

    Panel 2: A shot from the front of the man and woman who are now walking hand in hand down the street. The man is handing the rose to the woman, they are both smiling and look like they are in love. Over the shoulder of the woman is a second man in the background staring at them and pulling a gun from his inside jacket pocket.

    I think this works, although I guess it doesn't NECESSARILY mean exactly 14 seconds have passed. It'd depend on the narration. If the narrator is a bystander viewing a random homicide in a street, it might be accurate. Especially if he's got a watch. Or if the narrator is some all-seeing story teller. If the narrator is the man, what felt like 14 minutes, hours, days, or even eons could have passed considering he now lost the one thing he loves. But we're banking on the fact that we can trust the narrator. I could have instead put a narration in the second balloon that started with, '14 seconds earlier...' but I felt that'd lose some kind of momentum. I like the way I did it more, with the narration on the first panel bracing the reader for what happened.


    23 Years.

    Panel 1: A medium shot of a high school graduation ceremony (sigh, I hate feeling like I have to slip to what has worked before for me). The principal, an old man with white hair is handing a diploma to an 18 year old boy with short brown hair. The sign in the background reads, 'Biggville High Graduation, Class of 1996.'

    Principal: Donald Dustan Junior.

    Panel 2: The same panel as before, though now the graduating boy looks a bit different. This boy has longer hair and a mustache. The sign now reads, 'Biggville High Graduation, Class of 1973.'

    Principal: Donald Dustan.

    I think this works because it's obvious it's the same location and that 23 years have passed, both revealed through the sign. Much more boring than my previous example, if you ask me, but it works. I hate how I used a previous idea as a crutch with this example, though. Making the son have the same name as the dad, but Junior felt like it'd like the two panels. Earlier I had the father of each boy (originally it was Donald Dustan, IV and Donald Dustan III) sitting in the crowd cheering on his son. I felt like that was a bit too much, and just using the 'Junior' in the first panel would be enough to link them together.


    1 Eon.

    Panel 1: A shot of a star lit sky.

    Panel 2: Another star lit night sky.

    Narration: One eon earlier...


    What I was going for with the above panel was a steady shot from one point on earth looking at the same night sky, but because eons have passed, the light from the stars would be in different locations since it takes so long for the light to reach us here at earth. But leaving the earth out of it seemed to kill the notion of showing where we are, as the viewer. But one I tried to include earth, such as a shot of two lovers staring up at the night sky, I realized if you jump backwards in time on earth by an eon, there'd be obviously two very different lovers. I thought of showing a teenage couple, then go backward and show a microscopic organism... But I wasn't digging it. I don't know why. Eons just seem so hard to convey. If anything fails, I'd say this is. However I don't think it does, simply because the narrator-- Gah I already used a narrator. I don't know.

    I hate eons. I can't explain why. The whole lesson I couldn't convey them. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, years... They were all easy. I think because they can all be involved and experienced by a human. Or inside humanity. Eons? They stretch out farther. And for some reason it's so hard for me to fathom how to explain them. When somebody does it right, I can think, Wow! Nice job! But then I won't know how to elaborate on that or do it my way. I just can't think of anything.



    EDIT: I guess a little added on talk about my first two examples. What I was going for in the first one is how time is so precious. I liked the idea of having a narrator suggest 'it felt like' x amount of time went by, so therefor x amount of time did go by. However depending on the situation, a minute can feel like an hour, and an eternity can feel like a second. I love that idea. So what I went for here is how this guy's world has been turned upside down in under a couple of seconds, and how just 14 seconds earlier the sky was the limit. Now he's at his worst.

    The second example I went for the complete opposite: To suggest that through time, through a generation (father / son), after 23 years, the same small town will be the exact same as you remembered it. Nothing changed, nobody got away. It's all still the same. The same old white haired principal, the same looking students, the same scene, the same everything. How in some instances (previous example) time can be so scewed and so precious, but in others, time can be so inane.
    Last edited by drgerb; Sunday, March 21, 2010 at 08:44 PM.



  6. LeeNordling Guest

    Roberts's grade:

    1. PASS, and that was quite nice.

    2. PASS, but I seem to recall you moving the location the first time around; this time it works.

    3. PASS. Roberts, I'm thrilled to see you embrace the assignment and simply use our basic tools to successfully address the assignment.

    Re. your repetition of captions, you always had word balloons and thought balloons at your disposal, but didn't use them.

    If you knew you were repeating a technique, which ultimately is fine, ask yourself why you didn't avail yourself of these other simple techniques.

    Address that question, and you'll discover where you might still want to work on and perfect your level of craft.

    Good work!

    --Lee



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