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Thread: Silence Is Golden: a workshop, Part 2

  1. LeeNordling Guest

    Silence Is Golden: a workshop, Part 2

    That was so much fun, let’s do it again!

    “Yay,” an enthusiastic classroom mumbles.

    A hesitant hand rises above the sea of single-fingered salutes.

    “Yes?” I ask, cheerfully, ready once more to storm the breach.

    “Why?” you ask.

    “Well,” I begin, cautiously, biding some time to set my Plexiglas face shield in place, “I noticed something interesting about the classes’ contributions to the last assignment.”

    With a couple notable exceptions, most of you followed my lead. By this I mean you followed a character from panel to panel. Now, that was fine, and it’s certainly the simplest way to get comfortable with wordless sequential art storytelling, but, as you saw from a few examples by others, there are other ways to advance a story than simply following characters.

    In an analogous manner, David Mamet writes of this in On Directing Film, likening ‘80s television to the steady cam that simply followed the actions of characters. He noted that as one of the primary differences between the TV-styled storytelling of that period and cinematic storytelling.

    So, now that we’ve experimented with how sequential art is like ‘80s television, we’re going to continue to pursue one of the ways that sequential art is like film.

    In a later wordless sequential art example, I quickly mapped out a progression from a galactic-sized “big” to child’s-room “small,” finishing with a map of a galaxy on a wall to complete the conceptual circle.

    I didn’t follow a character’s journey. I used juxtaposed uninflected imagery to advance my narrative, images that when put together advanced a narrative and involved the reader.

    Last week, all you had to do was write a wordless progression for two pages that made sense.

    As many of you discovered, this apparently fertile ground was planted with landmines, so much so that only one or two of you got through unscathed on your first attempt.

    This week, we’re going to add a complication.

    “Why?” you repeat yourself.

    Because you need to become more comfortable with advancing a visual narrative that can actually be drawn and perceived as you intended.

    When you have a concept for a story or an assignment, you’re going to be focusing on how to find the best way to get from a beginning to an end, and that’s going to require becoming practiced with everything that’s in the tool chest, and being tested well enough beforehand to demonstrate an acceptable level of competence.

    I’ve likened these assignments to creators having to learn to wear saddles, and I think the metaphor holds, except that, once comfortable with the saddles, it’ll be you, the creators, blazing your own trails, not mine, and you’ll have the best possible maps and compasses to help you reach your intended destinations.

    Like any good creative writing assignment, this one is intended to get you to practice and learn your the tools of your trade, while keeping you from worrying about larger concerns, such as the successful completion of a story or paid assignment.

    Here, you have the opportunity to fall flat on your face without receiving more than a potentially bruising critique.

    “A publicly bruising critique,” you remind me.

    Yes, well, that’s a secondary benefit that will better help you learn to productively channel your response to editors.

    “I’m so lucky,” you mumble.

    So, to this week’s assignment:

    Write two wordless sequential art pages, which contain at least five panels per page…and don’t repeat the use of any location, character, or object in two successive panels.

    Your hand rises.

    “Yes?” I ask.

    “Does that mean that your big-to-small example would fail?”

    You’re very perceptive. Yes, that example fails, because each of the images in the following panels was in a preceding panel.

    “So we can’t just zoom out and in and successfully accomplish the assignment,” you rightfully conclude.

    Yep.

    “Why not?” you ask.

    Because I already know (or suspect) you can do that.

    But we haven’t done this yet.

    “Can you give us an example?” you ask.

    “Sure,” I reply. “Off the top of my head….”

    PAGE 1

    PANEL 1
    At night, on a rain-drenched, city street, which is dimly lit only by a couple of working street lamps, Henry is walking confidently down a sidewalk.

    PANEL 2
    A crook hides in the darkness of an alley.

    PANEL 3
    On the sidewalk, Henry stops.

    PANEL 4
    The crook peers out of the alley, light catching his beady eyes.

    PANEL 5
    On the sidewalk, Henry has jammed a hand into a pocket, looking puzzled.

    PANEL 6
    The crook is back in the shadows, his back pressed against a brick wall, eyes squeezed shut.

    PAGE 2

    PANEL 1
    On the sidewalk, Henry is now checking inside his briefcase.

    PANEL 2
    The crook peers out of the alley again, light catching his anxious expression.

    PANEL 3
    On the sidewalk, Henry has a hand on a hip, obviously perplexed.

    PANEL 4
    The crook continues to peer out of the alley, also perplexed.

    PANEL 5
    Henry walks back the way he came, annoyed.

    PANEL 6
    The crook now sits in the darkness of the alley, his hands covering his face.

    ***

    That took ten minutes, free-associating, focusing on never repeating an image in successive panels, and only a couple edits later to add atmosphere and expression.

    As before, I strongly recommend you start simple before adventuring into the deeper part of the pool.

    I strongly recommend you avoid the bane of your last assignment, camera angles. I’m sure each of you can imagine the two-page scene above well enough without them.

    Now I’m going to repeat many of my instructions from last week:

    So there’s no misunderstanding, I do not wish to see so much as one word balloon, thought balloon, caption, or block of floating text. The use of signage and sound effects is fine.

    I don’t care what the pages are about.

    We don’t need extensive character descriptions; let’s assume they’re elsewhere.

    I don’t care which sequential art tools you employ.

    Here are the only three things I care about:

    1. Write each panel from left to right (because you’re a Comics Panel Time-Master);

    2. Write with intention, because that should be your goal as a creator;

    3. Have the two pages make sense in some way as a wordless progression, without reusing any aspect of a panel in a panel that precedes or follows it. Again, it doesn’t have to be a story. I just need to see something that makes some kind of sense.

    Clarify your trim size: comic book trim, digest, manga, magazine (8.5 inches x 11 inches), tabloid, whatever. We need to know how much space you’re intending to fill.

    If there is one word of explanation about what you intend in the description that a reader of the finished comic will not understand, then you have failed in your assignment.

    If you write that something in your page takes place in New York City, and I don’t see anything in the imagery from which the reader will know they are in NYC, then you have failed. If you write that it’s a city like NYC so the artist will know what to draw, then there’s no need for the reader to have to know it’s NYC, and you’ll have passed (on that point). If you write that it’s NYC but that the reader doesn’t need to know this, then there’s no need for the reader to have to know it’s NYC, and you’ll have passed (on that point). The difference between these three examples is intention. If you expect a reader to understand something, then you have to do your job as a creator to lead them to that point of understanding.

    If the distinction between these examples is not clear to you, then please prompt me for clarification about what confuses you.

    Again, this isn’t about doing this once and thinking you now understand everything about it; this is about doing it a lot so that you get good at it, so that it becomes natural.

    What’s a PASS? If you address the assignment, and the script you intend can be perceived as you intended by the finished comic’s reader.

    What’s a FAIL? If you don’t completely address the assignment, or any aspect can’t be perceived as you intended by the finished comic’s reader.

    A GOLD STAR goes to anybody who nails it the first time, without tripping.

    Let’s begin.

    ***

    Lee Nordling is the owner and founding partner of The Pack (the-pack.biz), a comics-related content provider for the publishing industry. He is also author of “Your Career In the Comics,” an overview of the newspaper comics syndication profession and industry.

    If you wish to contact Lee separately from Comics Pro Prep, please write to him at lee@projectfanboy.
    Last edited by LeeNordling; Tuesday, April 06, 2010 at 09:54 PM.



  2. drgerb Guest

    My attempt.. Comic book sized.


    Page 1. (5 panels, top 1/3 is 1 panel, middle 1/3 is 2 panels, bottom 1/3 is 2 panels.)

    Panel 1. A wide out shot of a large British force marching down a trail in a North American forest. Their guns are held straight up and a few flags are waving amongst the force.

    Panel 2. Medium shot of the forest neighboring the trail. Stress darkness / shadows / unable to see what's beyond the first few trees.

    Panel 3. Close up of one of the British soldiers on his horse with a serious expression on his face.

    Panel 4. Closer shot of the forest from panel 2, but this time we can see a few shadowy figures standing among the trees.

    Panel 5. Medium shot of the same British soldier, with a puzzled look on his face.


    Page 2. (5 panels, top 1/3 is 2 panels, middle1/3 is 1 panel, bottom 1/3 is 2 panels.)

    Panel 1. Close up of the forest on one of the shadowy figures, who turns out to be a Native American. Stress the whiteness and the focus in his eyes.

    Panel 2. Medium shot of the British soldier frantically reaching for his gun.

    Panel 3. A wide out shot of the forest again, from the perspective of the British force (though the British are not seen in the panel). Many Native Americans are charging toward us, the reader. In dead center is the Native who appeared in panel 1, bow in hand, feathers in hair, and war paint on his face.

    Panel 4. Medium shot of the British soldier, struggling to take aim.

    Panel 5. Medium shot of the Native, who's now standing still and calmly taking aim with his bow and arrow.



    The French and Indian War in 1757, when France and Great Britain faught it out for the North American colonies. Okay, it was inspired by the great movie, The Last of the Mohicans. There's a scene in there of a British force walking down a path, as it's being stalked by a Native American army... Eventually the natives charge, and what results is different from what I wrote about. I imagined one of many similar fights in the same war. Anyway... I hope being inspired by a movie doesn't count against me. The first panel is similar to a part of the movie, but the rest is changed.

    I also like the idea of having one character in the light and one in the shadow, much like Lee's example. One in the shadow, one in the light... Or one predator, one prey... I thought about doing one about a Lion stalking / chasing a Gazelle, but figured that may be a bit boring for 2 pages. Then landed on this Native faction stalking a foreign army. I love those scenes in the movies... The Last of the Mohicans has one, The Last Samurai has one... Gotta love a small army standing in the dark, unable to see the crazy enemy ready to strike. Gah.

    I'm not even going to guess whether it passes or fails though. I'll wait for Lee's grade, and after that, I'll either go about it simpler to pass (if I fail) or put some creativity to use (if I succeed). Anyway.

    Nice post, Lee. At first I had NO idea where to begin. My mind drew a blank... But after thinking about it for a while I had a few ideas. Woo.



  3. LeeNordling Guest

    Roberts's grade:

    PASS.

    And a GOLD STAR, but your use of camera angles will be the death of you some day.

    Why?

    Because they often read better than they are...but that's an editorial assessment, not an assignment assessment.

    You've got close-ups, medium shots, a wide-out shot coupled with the inevitable POV, which helps you skirt the edge of the assignment.

    Creatively, you isolated toward the end on one British soldier, when he's supposedly part of larger force. To work better on the page, you might have considered him to be at the forefront of many. Just a suggestion, but it doesn't affect my comprehension of your intent either way. (I just can't help offering editorial advice.)

    That said, you did call for one image that's going to be tough (but not impossible to interpret): Panel 4. Medium shot of the British soldier, struggling to take aim.

    How does one draw that? Can you describe it, Roberts?

    Is he off-balance, and swinging the rifle around (with speed lines)?

    The off-balance part probably is important, because "struggling to aim" is an "in the head" thing.

    Is the barrel shaking? That denotes more fear than not being able to aim, though not being able to aim could be a result of fear.

    You've left much of this open to an artist's and then a reader's interpretation, but it's on the line, and I'm not going to parse it for the sake of parsing it. I just want to point out that here, your described image probably makes better sense for film than comics, and that you should have been more specific about what we were supposed to witness.

    Changing topics, did you alternate between two groups of characters because that's what I did? It's okay, because anything that gets you to try new things is a good thing.

    If you're going to try another, try NOT alternating back and forth...just to see how you can advance a narrative. Try showing a series of images that are farther apart, just to stretch a little more.

    Do I have an example for you? Nope, not yet.

    All in all, Roberts, a nice restrained start for you.

    --Lee

    PS. One note: In my example, I never said the alley was off the street. I used the juxtaposition to IMPLY the two characters were near each other. This is important to note because it got YOU to connect the dots, story-wise. Roberts's example was much more literal in making this clear. It's not worse, just different, and I wanted to point out the difference.

    PPS. You should all thanks Roberts for next week's assignment, where I'm going to force you to write without camera angles...at least half the time. Stay tuned.
    Last edited by LeeNordling; Tuesday, April 06, 2010 at 07:16 PM.



  4. drgerb Guest

    Geeze, I guess I didn't even realize I was using camera angles. I dunno why but I felt 'camera angle' was something more than just 'medium shot' or 'close up.' I guess I thought it'd include that, which way the characters are looking, etc. I'll try to tone down my camera angles on future assignments.

    That said, you did call for one image that's going to be tough (but not impossible to interpret): Panel 4. Medium shot of the British soldier, struggling to take aim.
    I guess what I would imagine, is a soldier holding his gun up, but maybe it's slightly pointed downward while he's focusing on what's charging toward him. Maybe he's looking at / focusing on what's coming at him, not necessarily on aiming his gun at what's coming at him. Or maybe he'd be fumbling around with a bullet as he was trying to refill the gun? I don't know much about guns back then. Do you have to do anything before taking aim? Guess I'd be leaving that up to the artist. Which yeah, I should've said so or gave the artist free reigns on how to interpret the panel.

    Write two wordless sequential art pages, which contain at least five panels per page…and don’t repeat the use of any location, character, or object in two successive panels.
    When I read that part, I went and looked up 'successive' in the dictionary, muahah. Then I was planning on alternating between two characters. When I got to your example, that just reinforced my idea.

    PPS. You should all thanks Roberts for next week's assignment, where I'm going to force you to write without camera angles...at least half the time. Stay tuned.
    Bracing myself to fail. Argh. jk.



  5. LeeNordling Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by drgerb View Post
    I guess what I would imagine, is a soldier holding his gun up, but maybe it's slightly pointed downward while he's focusing on what's charging toward him. Maybe he's looking at / focusing on what's coming at him, not necessarily on aiming his gun at what's coming at him. Or maybe he'd be fumbling around with a bullet as he was trying to refill the gun? I don't know much about guns back then. Do you have to do anything before taking aim? Guess I'd be leaving that up to the artist. Which yeah, I should've said so or gave the artist free reigns on how to interpret the panel.
    Hey, Roberts.

    As I think you've shown, this is a VERY hard image to draw and be perceived as you hoped.

    Not to distract from the main topic, others should take note that if an ACTION or EXPRESSION doesn't accomplish your goal for what a character is trying to do, and if you don't have dialogue or narrative to help convey it, you should reconsider your goal.

    Having trouble aiming is something we can see in motion, because we might see a wavering gun or shaky blinking eyes, neither of which can be communicated in one image in comics. Several images, yes; one image, not so much.

    Note: I dodged this particular bullet...er, musket ball, with my own example.

    I never WROTE that Henry had lost something; I simply showed him searching, PRESUMABLY for something...but not explicitly, because it didn't matter to me. What mattered was that he was stopped from proceeding, then turned back, both of which were clear.

    Now, had I written that Henry had lost his car keys, I would've immediately FAILED because there was nothing in the images to indicate that specific loss.

    You did fine, Roberts, tackled the assignment, and learned a little more about writing with intention, all good.

    BTW, to you and others: if you ever can't describe an image, it's probably not good to give it to the artist to figure out.

    I don't mean that you HAVE to describe all aspects of an image, but if you're calling for an image and can't quite figure out how it could be conveyed, your job is then to help the artist do so, not plop it in his/her lap.

    Next?

    Or are we done for the week already?

    --Lee



  6. drgerb Guest

    To keep this conversation coming along a bit, while others are getting their assignments ready for posting:

    BTW, to you and others: if you ever can't describe an image, it's probably not good to give it to the artist to figure out.

    I don't mean that you HAVE to describe all aspects of an image, but if you're calling for an image and can't quite figure out how it could be conveyed, your job is then to help the artist do so, not plop it in his/her lap.
    Quick question. You always tell me to avoid camera angles cause they often read better than they look, and I'm not yet good enough to use them to their full potential (both of which I agree with)... But letting the artist work around his or her own camera angle, that's kind of plopping something down into their lap to see what they come up with, right? Me, the writer, trusting them?

    Then why can't, if we ever hit a roadblock (and not a two roadblocks per page basis, but more of a 1-2 per 22 page comic), maybe go to the artist for his or her thoughts? An artist, who has drawn so many panels, so many characters, so many guns, might have a better idea to convey a nervous British soldier than I thought of? When I said he was struggling to take aim, maybe the artist would suggest, 'Well, he's a British soldier in the 1700's... What if we did this instead to convey nervousness?'

    Is that wrong? If we hit a roadblock, are we, as writers, expected to be able to overcome it either on our own or with the help of our editor, or every now and then, depending on the writer / artist relationship, can we toss a few things onto our artists' laps?

    I guess I feel like the artist is a dog, and all I'm doing is throwing him some bones. I can pick out which bones to toss his way, the tasty ones or the ugly ones, but I toss some, and I put some into my back pocket for future use. Maybe this isn't the relationship I should be going for... But I dunno.



  7. LeeNordling Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by drgerb View Post
    Quick question. You always tell me to avoid camera angles cause they often read better than they look, and I'm not yet good enough to use them to their full potential (both of which I agree with)... But letting the artist work around his or her own camera angle, that's kind of plopping something down into their lap to see what they come up with, right? Me, the writer, trusting them?

    Then why can't, if we ever hit a roadblock (and not a two roadblocks per page basis, but more of a 1-2 per 22 page comic), maybe go to the artist for his or her thoughts? An artist, who has drawn so many panels, so many characters, so many guns, might have a better idea to convey a nervous British soldier than I thought of? When I said he was struggling to take aim, maybe the artist would suggest, 'Well, he's a British soldier in the 1700's... What if we did this instead to convey nervousness?'

    Is that wrong? If we hit a roadblock, are we, as writers, expected to be able to overcome it either on our own or with the help of our editor, or every now and then, depending on the writer / artist relationship, can we toss a few things onto our artists' laps?

    I guess I feel like the artist is a dog, and all I'm doing is throwing him some bones. I can pick out which bones to toss his way, the tasty ones or the ugly ones, but I toss some, and I put some into my back pocket for future use. Maybe this isn't the relationship I should be going for... But I dunno.
    Many questions here, Roberts.

    First, yes, it's wrong to toss a problem to an artist that may not have a visual solution.

    This is a visual medium, and you are, in theory, a visual writer. To ask an artist to draw, for our continuing example, "Medium shot of the British soldier, struggling to take aim," shows you don't yet recognize the limitations of the sequential art medium.

    That's something to work on.

    It's okay to ask an artist to draw, for example, a collage of a series of story moments, without describing how the collage goes together...simply because it CAN be done. Knowing that shows awareness of what can and can't be drawn, and that's what we continue to work on.

    As another example, does anybody think it's okay for a writer to ask an artist to draw an image of a boy who's thinking about a chocolate ice cream cone? I should hope not.

    However, is it okay to write an image of a smiling boy with his tongue licking his lips, while imagining, in a thought balloon, a picture of a chocolate ice cream cone? Of course it is.

    Is it fair to ask an artist to make the leap from description number one to my description in image number two? No. It's lazy and has the potential to hurt the visual storytelling (if the artist doesn't come up with exactly the right image).

    Roberts, we continue to discuss "writing with intention." It is not reasonable here to write something without intention and let the artist figure it out.

    That's how too many bad comics already get produced, and we're working to establish a foundation of understanding about the craft of creating sequential art.

    To the question of camera angles. I'm asking folks to forgo them for the assignment because too many writers get caught up in being directors and forget what we're supposed to be working on here.

    We saw last week how many people shot themselves in the foot by USING camera shots, which indicates that most don't understand the full impact the shots may have on the finished comic, and that's what we're working on, again, writing with intention.

    But I realized, when seeing your entry, that some writers CAN'T forgo them easily, that's it's too ingrained in their processes (whether they know how to write camera shots or not), thus leading to what we'll be discussing next week...which will involve quite a bit more than not calling out camera shots. PREVIEW: We're going to work on writing the same thing with different scripting processes, so each of you will begin to understand better the strengths and weaknesses of each approach.

    So, let's get back to the assignment at hand. This has been an interesting segue, but we're too far off topic.

    Thanks.

    --Lee

    PS. Quick questions rarely require quick answers.



  8. Rain Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by LeeNordling View Post

    Write two wordless sequential art pages, which contain at least five panels per page…and don’t repeat the use of any location, character, or object in two successive panels.

    I]
    Comic trim

    PAGE ONE

    PANEL 1
    A man rides a lawn mower over a space of flat, lavishly verdant grass.

    PANEL 2
    A hand-pushed, two-wheeled machine (topped by a hefty bucket) rolls over a strip of dirt. We see chalk falling from the bottom of the machine -- making a perfectly straight line on the dirt.

    PANEL 3
    Two people hanging a red, white, and blue banner over a wall.

    PANEL 4
    A large, flat-top grill with dozens of hot dogs sizzling on it's face.

    PANEL 5
    The lip of a plastic cup held below a tap, with golden colored beer flowing into the container.

    PANEL 6
    Three guys walking through an opening in a tall, wrought iron gate. They are each handing over tickets to a woman in the fence opening.

    PAGE TWO

    PANEL 1
    A batter stands to the left side of home plate, looking our direction. Directly behind the plate is a squatted catcher, pointing two extended fingers between his legs and towards the ground. To the right of the squatted catcher stands an umpire, peering over the catcher's shoulder.

    PANEL 2
    A man wearing a ball cap, sweat dripping from the bill and from his brow, staring intensely and directly at us. Horizontal speed lines indicate he's shaking his head left to right in a "no" motion.

    PANEL 3
    Same shot as panel 1, but instead of extending two fingers towards the ground, the catcher now points only one.

    PANEL 4
    Same shot as panel 2, but instead of shaking his head "no", vertical speed lines indicate he's nodding his head up and down in a "yes" motion.

    PANEL 5
    The batter at the plate is laying into a baseball pitched his way.

    PANEL 6
    The three guys from panel 6 of page 1, but now they're in a crowded grandstand. Two hold beers and hotdogs, while one of the guy's hand is extended to catch a baseball.

    Rain



  9. danialworks Guest

    Comic book

    PAGE ONE

    Panel 1.

    Let's give our characters and settings a genuinely cartoony look, and by that I mean more Jim Davis than Bruce Timm. A nature park. Trees on either side as JOHN is running along a black-topped path--- and he's heading to the reader's RIGHT.

    Panel 2.

    TOM is running on a blacktop path, along a pond in the same park-- the only trees we see in this panel are on the far side of the pond-- and HE'S heading to the reader's LEFT.

    Panel 4.

    John's path has taken an uphill turn-- let's keep him heading to the reader's right.

    Panel 5.

    You guessed it, Tom's path has also taken an uphill turn into sparse trees, and he's still heading to the reader's left! Only the last edge of the pond remains in panel.

    Panel 6.

    A classic, flying saucer UFO over the park.

    Panel 7.

    A squirrel sitting at the edge of some blacktop and some grass as he munches on a pinecone.

    PAGE TWO

    Panel 1.

    The trees have thinned out around John-- we can only see him from the waist up-- his eyes are wide as he's spotted the UFO.

    Panel 2.

    The flying saucer hovers high above sparse trees, and Tom, who we only see from the waste up, has an incredulous look on his face.

    Panel 3.

    Motion lines indicate speed. John's running legs on a once-again level blacktop, thin trees in the background. Naturally, he's still headed to the right.

    Panel 4.

    Tom's running legs on a once-again level blacktop path, sparse trees in the background. A flesh-toned blur indicates speed. Naturally, he's still headed to the left.

    Panel 5.

    A startled look for our Squirrel-- he's just backed off onto the grass, and he's just dropped his pine cone. Note- we see no blacktop.

    Panel 6.

    John and Tom collide on the blacktop path! Note-- We don't need to put the trees in the background-- the collision is our only concern.

    Panel 7.

    Looking in through the window of the UFO, we see two aliens laughing their butts off!

    Panel 8.

    John and Tom are both on their butts on the blacktop, the thin trees in the background-- both guys are OK, each man's face both chagrined and amused. The squirrel is doubled over laughing.







    Never the same trees or same patch of blacktop twice! That was fun.

    My first idea, yesterday, didn't work, and frankly? I'm keeping my second idea!!
    Last edited by danialworks; Wednesday, April 07, 2010 at 07:28 PM.



  10. LeeNordling Guest

    Rain's grade:

    PASS, with a GOLD STAR...

    ...and a caution.

    IMAGE: The batter at the plate is laying into a baseball pitched his way.

    In film, this is obviously a swing and a hit.

    In comics, as described, the ball and the bat are intersecting at this exact moment of contact. That's clear to me.

    What, though, I suspect (and only suspect) that the ball has already BEEN hit, and has flown off the bat, with contact rays and speed lines indicating its flight. While it's not important to necessarily WRITE the speed lines stuff, it is important to capture the moment in time you intend.

    But, who knows, perhaps you intended the ball to be sitting frozen on the bat at this moment.

    Nice use of mixed imagery, Rain.

    --Lee



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