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Thread: Style Has Substance

  1. LeeNordling Guest

    Style Has Substance

    My mother taught me that it’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.

    With all deference to Mom, I think that’s only half true.

    Mom also said you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

    I agree with that completely, not that I’ve always practiced this particular tenet.

    (Snickers echo through the classroom.)

    Besides that Mom was obviously working on building a kindler gentler me, she was also offering a great rule of thumb for learning how to get what I want. (Mom is practical that way.)

    Let’s get back to the part that’s only half true, and offer a correction.

    To build on yet another childhood cliché: when your heart’s in the right place, that’s only half the battle. You need to do more than seem to mean what you say; you need to back it up.

    Let’s presume a sequential art writer’s heart is in the right place.

    A hand rises above a sea of perplexed expressions.

    “Yes?” I ask.

    “What’s the right place?” you ask.

    Great question. For this discussion, the right place would be for writers to want to get the best out of their potential artist collaborators.

    A hand bobs above the sea of lowered brows.

    “Yes?” I ask.

    “Does that mean the wrong place would be for writers to not want to get the best out of their potential artist collaborators?”

    In essence, yes.

    I ignore the sea of angrily waving hands to continue my point.

    I once worked with a guy whose operating philosophy was: “I want everything, so don’t ask me to prioritize.” There wasn’t any give and take in that relationship, but at least it was clear, psychotically so.

    Some writers want the artist to draw everything they indicate, and if the result doesn’t work, they believe it’s the artist’s fault, not theirs.

    They want everything, and don’t want to prioritize, or can’t.

    The creator who won’t prioritize can (and likely will) continue to do whatever he or she is going to do. In a largely collaborative medium, this creator needs to be very good or very wealthy to embrace this perspective and still succeed.

    For the sake of this assignment, let’s presume writers want to get the most out of relationships with potential artist collaborators.

    A hand wavers above a sea of increasingly perplexed expressions.

    “Yes?” I ask.

    “So all writers need to do is let artists know that they’re flexible to input?”

    That’s part of it, but it’s too-often like trying to close the studio door after the artist got out.

    Most writers express willingness for artists to bring their interpretations to stories, but they do so after hobbling artists with scripting styles that don’t necessarily play to the their strengths.

    A hand thrusts above the sea of brows that have lowered once more to half-mast.

    “Yes?” I ask.

    “Are you saying that some artists do better work with one kind of scripting style over another?”

    “Yes,” I reply.

    “So is there a particular style that’s better for all artists?”

    “No,” I reply. “Some artists thrive on strong visual direction, and others find it too confining. Maybe it’s a result of personal artistic idiosyncrasies, prevalent comics-culture influences, and/or enough professional experience for artists to know what does and doesn’t work best for them. Still, the results are the same: Not all artists do their best work from the same scripting style.

    “So you’re suggesting writers should tailor their styles to artist’s strengths?”

    “Absolutely,” I say.

    “But what if writers don’t know who the artists are going to be when their write their scripts?”

    “That’s an incredibly valid point,” I reply. “Sometimes the script is what it needs to be, and it’s up to the writer or editor to find the artist that works best with its approach. Other times, the artist is on board before the script is written. In these cases, writers may need to work to the strengths of their potential artist collaborators.”

    “And that’s closing the studio door before the artist runs screaming from it?” you ask.

    “You are quick today,” I comment.

    “But what if writers only have one scripting style?” you ask, gulping.

    “Then perhaps they should learn and practice other scripting styles?” I prompt.

    “How do they do that?” you ask, not yet seeing it coming.

    “Funny you should ask,” I begin, “because that’s exactly what we’re going to be working on this week.”

    Now you see it coming.

    “Um,” you begin, grasping for words, “So learning how to work in different scripting styles will help writers catch more artists with honey?”

    “Yes,” I reply. “Discussing their strengths and preferences before writing the script will give you two the advantage of being able to develop the best possible collaboration.”

    “And,” you continue, “I guess that will help make the best possible version of a comic.”

    It just hit you.

    And welcome to this week’s assignment:

    We’re going to continue with wordless sequential art storytelling, mostly because I don’t want you to complicate this assignment with dialogue. Nailing this assignment is going to be challenging enough.

    I want you to write one page of sequential art (for five or more panels that make some kind of sense) in three different scripting processes:

    1. Plot method.

    2. Full script, but without any layout direction or use of camera position or angles.

    3. Full script, with camera angles and/or positions, writing the clearest image of the page layout, and each panel in it, that you can.

    Here’s the trick: from the perspective of the three different writing styles, each page must be exactly the same. This means that no direction in the plot method script can contradict any image in either one of the other versions. No direction in the full script without camera direction can contradict any image in either one of the other versions. No direction in the full camera-directed script can contradict any image in either one of the other versions.

    A hand flies above a sea of puzzlement.

    “Yes?” I ask.

    “If I put camera angles or specific description in the ‘full script with camera angles’ version, doesn’t that contradict the plot method and ‘full script without camera angles’ versions?”

    “How?” I prompt.

    “Well, there’s stuff in there that isn’t in the other two versions,” you answer.

    “Stuff, yes,” I explain, “but not necessarily stuff that couldn’t be in the other two versions when drawn.”

    “Couldn’t be,” you mull.

    “That’s right,” I clarify. “For instance, let’s say your plot method version describes that a man’s face reveals a wide range of expressions as he considers differently flavored scoops to add to an ice cream cone.”

    “Simple enough,” you concede.

    “But let’s say the ‘full script with camera angles’ version indicates the man has, in each of the panels, the same focused expression on his face as he considers his options.”

    “Well,” you observe, “that’s not the same.”

    “You’re right,” I agree, “it would be a contradiction. But what if the ‘full script with camera angles’ version described each different expression the man has, as he considers his options, in each of the different panels?”

    “That would be consistent with the plot method version,” you conclude.

    “Yes, it would be,” I agree again, “and that’s our goal, for each of the versions to be consistent.”

    Within the context of each scripting style, you need to successfully write the same page three times.

    For clarification about the plot method style, otherwise known as the Marvel method, this simply needs to be written as prose, without panel delineation. This approach allows for an artist to visually interpret the prose version of the story into any layout and number of panels he or she chooses. Because we’re only asking you to write a single page of sequential art, please limit your plot method version to a single paragraph.

    Here’s an example, written for this assignment:

    Size: Magazine, big for lots of panels.

    PLOT METHOD:

    Sammy stands on the edge of a cliff and sees Lily standing on a big cloud above a ravine. He runs and jumps to join her, even though she tries to stop him. As he falls to his comedic doom through part of the cloud, the dissipation of the cloud reveals that Lily was really standing on the edge of a cliff on the other side of a ravine.

    FULL SCRIPT WITHOUT CAMERA DIRECTION:

    PANEL 1

    Sammy stands at the edge of a cliff, looking across a ravine at Lilly, who’s standing atop the middle of a big cloud, the other side of which is cropped by the border. For all we know, the other side of the cloud could be endless.

    PANEL 2

    Sammy backs away, waving, from the cliff edge.

    PANEL 3

    Lily waves back.

    PANEL 4

    Facing the direction of the cliff edge, Sammy’s taken the position of a runner getting ready for a race.

    PANEL 5

    Lily is puzzled.

    PANEL 6

    Poofing dust and a speed trail show us that Sammy has zoomed to an all-out sprint.

    PANEL 7

    Lily is totally panicked, holding out her arms for Sammy to stop.

    PANEL 8

    Sammy leaps from the edge of the cliff, pulling a solo Thelma & Louise.

    PANEL 9

    Lily can’t look, her hands covering her eyes.

    PANEL 10

    Sammy’s path shows us that he has fallen through the dissipating cloud toward his comedic doom, Lily watches, her eyes bulging through slightly spread fingers. The still dissipating cloud reveals her to be standing at the edge of another cliff, which was previously hidden.

    FULL SCRIPT WITH CAMERA DIRECTION:

    PANEL 1 (TOP TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)

    A long enough shot so we can see, on the left, Sammy standing at the edge of a cliff. Above a ravine, we see Lilly to the right, standing atop the middle of a big cloud, the other side of which is cropped by the border. For all we know, the other side of the cloud could be endless (even though it’s not).

    PANEL 2 (2ND TIER; ON THE LEFT)

    Medium shot on Sammy, as he backs away, waving, from the cliff edge

    PANEL 3 (2ND TIER; ON THE MIDDLE LEFT)

    Medium shot on Lily, but not too close, because we’re going to see her in a progression of shots that come increasingly close to her. We see all of her here, and the cloud she stands on, as she waves back.

    PANEL 4 (2ND TIER; ON THE MIDDLE RIGHT)

    Another medium shot of Sammy, facing the direction of the cliff edge, and he’s taken the position of a runner getting ready for a race.

    PANEL 5 (2ND TIER; ON THE RIGHT)

    Closer on Lily than the previous image we saw of her, and she’s puzzled.

    PANEL 6 (3ND TIER; ON THE LEFT)

    Poofing dust and a speed trail show us, in a closer shot on Sammy, that he’s zoomed to an all-out sprint.

    PANEL 7 (3RD TIER; ON THE MIDDLE LEFT)

    Closer on Lily than the previous image we saw of her. Lily is totally panicked, holding out her arms for Sammy to stop.

    PANEL 8 (3RD TIER; ON THE MIDDLE RIGHT)

    Closer still on Sammy, as he has just leaped from the edge of the cliff, pulling a solo Thelma & Louise.

    PANEL 9 (3RD TIER; ON THE RIGHT)

    Closest shot yet on Lily, as she can’t bear to look, the fingers of her hands interlaced and covering her eyes.

    PANEL 10 (BOTTOM TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)

    In a longer shot, similar to the one in Panel 1, we see the path of Sammy’s trajectory, as he has plummeted through the top of the dissipating cloud toward his comedic doom. To the right, Lily watches, her eyes bulging through slightly spread fingers. Toward the right, the still dissipating cloud reveals her to be standing at the edge of another cliff, which was previously hidden from Sammy and us.

    ***

    So that’s it: three different versions of the same page.

    A good cartoonist will do fine with the plot-method, and will find a way to make it funny, though the odds are that it won’t be unfolded in the same way as described by the other versions.

    A good visual storyteller with a sense of humor and drama will do well with the version that’s missing camera angles.

    A good artist lacking a sense of gag writing or the kind of simultaneously humorous and dramatic pacing is going to need the version with camera angles.

    Now, a writer who needs his artist’s conceptual and pacing contributions is more likely to consider the first or second versions.

    However, a comedy writer with a finely tuned sense of timing and pacing, which he or she wants realized, is going to produce the third version.

    There’s no right way, only different ways, where, for a range of potential circumstances, one might make more sense than the others.

    If you can write well in each of these styles, you’ll know which is best for you and your potential artist collaborators on any given project.

    Now it’s your turn.

    As previously noted, I do not wish to see so much as one word balloon, thought balloon, caption, or block of floating text. The use of signage and sound effects is fine.

    I don’t care what the page is about.

    We don’t need extensive character descriptions; let’s assume they’re elsewhere.

    I don’t care which sequential art tools you employ.

    Here are the only three things I care about:

    1. Write each panel from left to right (because you’re a Comics Panel Time-Master);

    2. Write with intention, because that should be your goal as a creator;

    3. Make the pages editorially identical to each other, within the context of each style. Again, it doesn’t have to be a story. I just need to see something repeated that makes consistent sense.

    Clarify your trim size: comic book trim, digest, manga, magazine (8.5 inches x 11 inches), tabloid, whatever. We need to know how much space you’re intending to fill.

    If there is one word of explanation about what you intend in the description that a reader of the finished comic will not understand, then you have failed in your assignment.

    If you write that something in your page takes place in New York City, and I don’t see anything in the imagery from which the reader will know they are in NYC, then you have failed. If you write that it’s a city like NYC so the artist will know what to draw, then there’s no need for the reader to have to know it’s NYC, and you’ll have passed (on that point). If you write that it’s NYC but that the reader doesn’t need to know this, then there’s no need for the reader to have to know it’s NYC, and you’ll have passed (on that point). The difference between these three examples is intention. If you expect a reader to understand something, then you have to do your job as a creator to lead them to that point of understanding.

    If the distinction between these examples is not clear to you, then please prompt me for clarification about what confuses you.

    Again, this isn’t about doing this once and thinking you now understand everything about it; this is about doing it a lot so that you get good at it, so that it becomes natural.

    What’s a PASS? If you address the assignment, and the scripts you intend can be perceived as you intended by the finished comic’s reader.

    What’s a FAIL? If you don’t completely address the assignment, or any aspect can’t be perceived as you intended by the finished comic’s reader.

    A GOLD STAR goes to anybody who nails one the first time, without tripping.

    Let’s begin.

    ***

    Lee Nordling is the owner and founding partner of The Pack (the-pack.biz), a comics-related content provider for the publishing industry. He is also author of “Your Career In the Comics,” an overview of the newspaper comics syndication profession and industry.

    If you wish to contact Lee separately from Comics Pro Prep, please write to him at lee@projectfanboy.



  2. DaveHughes Guest

    All right, here's my shot:

    If our intimidating evil headmaster hadn't specified "one page," this would be a nice two-page comic-size spread. As it is, it'll have to be magazine trim.

    Plot Method:

    A monkey is sauntering through the jungle without a care in the world, when he happens upon a banana on a large rock. The monkey spots the banana, then tentatively checks it out. After a bit of back,-and-forth indecision, he grabs the banana and sits down on the rock to eat it. At this point, the rock sprouts a mouth and eats the monkey, banana and all, resetting the trap with a fresh banana.

    Full Script Without Camera Direction


    PANEL 1

    A monkey is walking through the jungle without a care in the world.

    PANEL 2

    The monkey walks up on a banana sitting on a large rock.

    PANEL 3

    The monkey looks hard at the banana, obviously thinking it over.

    PANEL 4

    The monkey starts toward the banana.

    PANEL 5

    The monkey walks away from the banana, looking over its shoulder, clearly wanting the banana, but unsure if he should take it.

    PANEL 6

    The monkey sneaks back toward the banana.

    PANEL 7

    The monkey reaches out to take the banana.

    PANEL 8

    The monkey grabs the banana.

    PANEL 9

    The monkey seats himself on the rock, a look of excitement on his face.

    PANEL 10

    The monkey starts to eat the banana.

    PANEL 11

    The rock reveals a mouth at the top, gulping the monkey down.

    PANEL 12

    The rock spits something into the air.

    PANEL 13

    A new banana lands on top of the rock.


    Full Script With Camera Direction

    PANEL 1 (TOP TIER, 2/3 WIDTH OF PAGE)

    A medium shot, showing a monkey centered in the panel, walking through the jungle without a care in the world.

    PANEL 2 (TOP TIER, RIGHT)

    A medium shot of a banana sitting on a large rock to the right of the panel, with just the forward foot of the walking monkey visible to the left.

    PANEL 3 (SECOND TIER, LEFT)

    The monkey is now fully visible on the left of the shot (no longer walking), with the banana/rock on the right. The monkey looks a bit surprised and excited.

    PANEL 4 (SECOND TIER, MIDDLE)

    Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey leans toward the banana, his hand starting to reach for it, a nervous look on his face.

    PANEL 5 (SECOND TIER, RIGHT)

    Same shot as PANEL 3., except the monkey's body is facing left, walking away, yet he is looking back over his shoulder. His face shows a longing for the banana, even as he walks away.

    PANEL 6 (THIRD TIER, LEFT)

    Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey's head is partially visible on the left border of the panel, as he leans in to eye the banana with a suspicious look on his face.

    PANEL 7 (THIRD TIER, MIDDLE)

    Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey is now fully visible in the panel (still on the left), with a hand outstretched toward the banana, fingers grasping and legs obviously carrying him toward the rock in a tip-toe manner.

    PANEL 8 (THIRD TIER, RIGHT)

    Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey is now just to the left of the rock, grabbing the banana with an excited look on his face.

    PANEL 9 (FOURTH TIER, LEFT)

    Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey seats himself on the rock, the look of excitement still on his face, starting to peel the banana.

    PANEL 10 (FOURTH TIER, MIDDLE)

    Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey starts to eat the banana with a contented look, still seated on the rock. The rock, for its part, has just a couple of movement lines around the bottom, indicating something is happening.

    PANEL 11 (FOURTH TIER, RIGHT)

    Same shot as PANEL 3. The rock is now split at the top, gulping the monkey down, with only the monkey's face and the hand holding the banana still visible. The monkey, as you can imagine, looks scared out of his tiny monkey mind.

    PANEL 12 (FIFTH TIER, LEFT)

    Same shot as PANEL 3. The monkey is gone, and zip lines indicate that the rock has shot something up into the air off-panel. The opening on the rock is closing.

    PANEL 13 (FIFTH TIER, 2/3 WIDTH RIGHT)

    The rock is centered in the panel. A fresh, unpeeled banana lands on the rock, falling from the top of the panel onto the rock, reloading the trap.
    Last edited by DaveHughes; Tuesday, April 13, 2010 at 05:12 AM. Reason: Always double-check your cut'n'paste...you may miss something.



  3. RonaldMontgomery Guest

    WELCOME TO THE OCTAGON, INHIBITOR.

    Size: Comics Trim

    Note: This is the final story of Meredith Elfry, Girl Intense.

    PLOT METHOD:

    PAGE 1

    Daytime, spring. Meredith and Jerome have flown to her old home and they're coming in for a landing; they're surprising Meredith's baby brother Casey (a spitting image), who's playing Hot Wheels alone in the dilapidated backyard. Meredith and Jerome land near the swingset, Meredith in summer dress and tiara, flying by herself, holding the flashlight like an Olympic torch. Jerome runs to her, overjoyed, handing her one of his Hot Wheels.


    FULL SCRIPT WITHOUT CAMERA DIRECTION:

    PAGE 1

    PANEL 1
    Daytime, spring. High, high the sky, wisps of clouds below, and below that the grids of suburban city streets. It's Meredith's old neighborhood below, but the reader doesn't need to know that.

    PANEL 2
    The backyard of Meredith's old home. It's shabby in the daylight. Buckled siding on the house, windows with broken blinds. Weeds sprout from unmowed grass. The back door is closed, but sitting in front of it is Casey, Meredith's three-year-old brother (same thin hair and face), sitting in a t-shirt and diaper playing Hot Wheels by himself.

    PANEL 3
    A shadow has fallen on Casey. One hand shades his eyes as squints warily into the sky.

    PANEL 4
    Meredith and Jerome alighting on the lawn in front of the old swingset, the satellite dish gone. Meredith is in a summer dress, head adorned in a tiara, her hair fluttering behind her, holding the flashlight above her like an Olympic torch. She wears the same ratty All-Stars. Jerome holds his Wal-Mart bags.

    PANEL 5
    Meredith is sitting on her haunches, a wan smile on her face. Casey has run over and he's standing in front of her, smiling ear to ear, placing a Hot Wheel in her outstretched palm.


    FULL SCRIPT WITH CAMERA DIRECTION:

    PAGE 1

    NOTE TO ARTIST: The page is five tiers, all the width of page. Panel 4 is the focus of the page. The tiers should progressively narrow until four, which should be bigger than all others, then go back to a narrower panel for panel 5.

    PANEL 1 (TOP TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)
    Wide shot. Daytime, spring. High, high the sky, wisps of clouds below, and below that the grids of suburban city streets. It's Meredith's old neighborhood below, but the reader doesn't need to know that.

    PANEL 2 (SECOND TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)
    Wide shot. The backyard of Meredith's old home. It's shabby in the daylight. Buckled siding on the house, windows with broken blinds. Weeds sprout from unmowed grass. The back door is closed, but sitting in front of it is Casey, Meredith's three-year-old brother (same thin hair and face), sitting in a t-shirt and diaper playing Hot Wheels by himself.

    PANEL 3 (THIRD TIER, NARROW; WIDTH OF PAGE)
    Close shot. A shadow has fallen on Casey. One hand shades his eyes as squints warily into the sky.

    PANEL 4 (FOURTH TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)
    Medium shot. Meredith and Jerome alighting on the lawn in front of the old swingset, the satellite dish gone. Meredith is in a summer dress, head adorned in a tiara, her hair fluttering behind her, holding the flashlight above her like an Olympic torch. She wears the same ratty All-Stars. Jerome holds his Wal-Mart bags.

    PANEL 5 (FIFTH TIER; WIDTH OF PAGE)
    Close shot. Meredith is sitting on her haunches, a wan smile on her face. Casey has run over and he's standing in front of her, smiling ear to ear, placing a Hot Wheel in her outstretched palm.



  4. LeeNordling Guest

    Inhibitor's grade:

    INCOMPLETE.

    Very funny idea. However, this one panel is a concern, in both this and the camera-angle version:

    PANEL 5

    The monkey zips away from the banana, zip lines and a trail of dust.

    ***

    I understand from your plot method that this is part of the hesitant indecision, but it won't read that way.

    It will read that he's just run away, and the reader won't know why.

    I recommend a revision of this before I grade.

    No GOLD STAR, but this is strong enough for me to give you a second chance.

    Nice work...almost.

    --Lee



  5. DaveHughes Guest

    I definitely see your point.

    Revised above for your perusal, O Grandmaster.



  6. LeeNordling Guest

    Ronald's grade:

    FAIL.

    Ronald, I read your direction on the last version. Panels read "width of page", but then there's the "narrow" notation.

    FYI. Narrow is width. Shorter is height.

    Do you wish to revise this before I grade it? If so, please post your correction, as opposed to editing the existing one (so, for future generations, this posting here will make sense).

    If you in fact did want panels to become increasingly narrow, then your "width of page" notation needs changing.

    Now to the content: in the plot method version, Jerome is offering Meredith the Hot Wheels, while, in the two scripted versions, Casey is offering the Hot Wheels.

    While I suspect this is a typo, and that Casey was supposed to be offering up the Hot Wheels in the plot method version, too...

    ...this submission is a perfect case for why anybody trying this should start simple, get it down, then stretch.

    Please, folks, start simple, so you can gain whatever there is to gain from this assignment.

    Thanks.

    --Lee



  7. LeeNordling Guest

    Quote Originally Posted by Inhibitor View Post
    I definitely see your point.

    Revised above for your perusal, O Grandmaster.
    The revision:

    PANEL 5

    The monkey walks away from the banana, looking over its shoulder, clearly wanting the banana, but unsure if he should take it.

    ***

    I still don't think this conveys the back and forth.

    There's a simple drawing idea here that could convey it, but I'll let you try to find it again before offering it up.

    --Lee
    Last edited by LeeNordling; Tuesday, April 13, 2010 at 05:36 PM.



  8. Rain Guest

    Comics Trim

    PLOT METHOD

    An old, unshaven man lays in a hospital bed, an EKG machine beside him. The animation on the machine's screen depicting his heartbeat diminishes lower, lower... then flatlines. We're now in a tunnel, pitch black save for a dim light at the far end. We travel closer and closer to that lighted end, with the aperture growing larger until we're encompassed in white light. In a delivery room at a hospital, a baby is pulled from between a mother's legs by a doctor and nurses.

    FULL SCRIPT (WITHOUT CAMERA DIRECTION)

    PANEL 1

    An old, unshaven man lays in a hospital bed, eyes slightly opened and mouth closed. An EKG machine beside him displays a faint pulse.

    SFX: BEEP

    PANEL 2

    Same shot, with the pulse growing fainter.

    SFX: beeep

    PANEL 3

    Same shot, but the mans eyes have closed and his mouth now gapes open. The pulse on the EKG machine has flatlined.

    SFX: BERMM

    PANEL 4

    Inside a tunnel, pitch black save for a dim light at the far end.

    PANEL 5

    We've traveled further down the tunnel, closer to the light at the end, which is now twice as big and bright.

    PANEL 6

    We're now at the cusp of the tunnel's exit, the panel washed out by the white light of the opening.

    PANEL 7

    Inside a hospital delivery room. A woman lays on the table, legs propped up by stirrups. She's surrounded by doctors and nurses, who are pulling a baby from between her legs.

    FULL SCRIPT (WITH CAMERA DIRECTION)

    PANEL 1 (TOP TIER; ON THE LEFT)

    Tight profile shot of an old man's unshaven face. The background is filled by a black screen, that contains a horizontal green line running from the left, then spiking upward at the far right.

    SFX: BEEP

    PANEL 2 (TOP TIER; MIDDLE)

    Medium shot of the same man, who we can now see from the chest up. He is laying in a bed. His eyes are still slightly open, mouth closed. We can also see that the screen from PANEL ONE was an EKG machine beside his bed. The line on its screen, running left to right, is much as it was in the previous panel -- except that the spike at the far right is only half as high.

    SFX: beeep

    PANEL 3 (TOP TIER: FAR RIGHT)

    A long shot of the man in the bed, so that we see his entire body and most the room he's in. The line on the EKG machine's screen now has no spike; runs completely flat. To the right of the panel, at the foot of his bed, we see a door opening to a hallway, with two nurses carrying charts as they walk past, but paying the patient no mind.

    SFX: BERMM

    PANEL 4 (MIDDLE TIER; ON THE LEFT)


    Inside a tunnel, pitch black save for a dim light at the far end.

    PANEL 5 (MIDDLE TIER: MIDDLE)

    Our point of view has traveled farther down the tunnel, closer to the light at the end, which is now twice as big and bright.

    PANEL 6 (MIDDLE TIER; FAR RIGHT)

    We're now at the cusp of the tunnel's exit. The very edges of the panel are still black, but the rest is washed out by the white light of the tunnel's opening.

    PANEL 7 (BORDER TO BORDER HORIZONTAL)

    Inside a hospital delivery room. Side profile shot of a woman laying on the table, legs propped up by stirrups (and unmentionables blocked from view by a sheet.) She's surrounded by doctors and nurses, who are pulling from between her legs a baby; its umbilical chord still connected to the stomach.



  9. danialworks Guest

    Magazine.

    PLOT METHOD:

    A green dragon soars above the clouds, then drops below them. After the sun breaks up the clouds, a flock of large flying creatures can be seen behind our dragon. Giant rocs give pursuit of our dragon.



    FULL SCRIPT, NO CAMERA DIRECTIONS


    Panel 1.

    Below us, a green dragon soars above a cloud layer of fluffy white with streaks of gray.

    Panel 2.

    We're in front of the green dragon now, and swooping motion lines tell us he has just dropped below the cloud layer.

    Panel 3.

    The cloud layer has broken up into patches of white and purple as rays of sunshine surround the green dragon in flight.

    Panel 4.

    A menacing flock of large, indistinct shapes far behind the dragon.

    Panel 5.

    A flight of giant rocs giving chase in the green dragon's wake.




    FULL SCRIPT WITH CAMERA DIRECTIONS


    Panel 1. (TOP TIER, ON THE LEFT, WIDER PANEL)

    A LONG-SHOT looking down at a green dragon soaring above a cloud layer of white streaked with gray.

    Panel 2. (TOP TIER, ON THE RIGHT, SMALLER PANEL)

    MEDIUM SHOT, framing the dragon at center-- swooping motion lines show how he's just dropped below the cloud layer.

    Panel 3. (2ND TIER, ON THE LEFT)

    The cloud layer has broken up into patches of white and purple. Still a MEDIUM SHOT on the dragon-- though we are a little CLOSER-- as rays of sunshine are coming down through the seperations in the clouds.

    Panel 4. (2ND TIER, ON THE RIGHT)

    A flock of large, and so far indistinct shapes in flight. We finally see our dragon relatively CLOSE-UP in the nearer distance.

    Panel 5. (THIRD TIER, WIDTH OF PAGE)

    MEDIUM-SHOT on the left a flight of giant rocs giving chase. On the right, our ANGLE on the green dragon becomes MUCH CLOSER.
    Last edited by danialworks; Tuesday, April 13, 2010 at 07:15 PM.



  10. LeeNordling Guest

    Rain's grade.

    PASS with a GOLD STAR.

    Nice work.

    Which version do YOU prefer?

    Which version to OTHERS HERE prefer?

    Which version would an artist prefer...and why?

    --Lee



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